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ON THIS LONELY ROAD I ROAM (title shop)
This two track road feels my boots' beat
as I haltingly trace its winding way
in fading afternoon's moist heat.
I pause as memories come my way.
The last time here I was not alone,
father and brother were both with me
before the advent of cell phone;
when mind and legs were both pain free.
We walked this road, seeking deer tracks,
made forages into the oak trees
then talked of bucks and tall wide racks
and coming autumn's clear cold breeze.
A crow call stirs me from the past.
I blink away my fugue's light fog.
Are good times never meant to last?
Far off I hear a barking dog.
The decades have left me by myself,
left here with naught but memories
stacked carefully on my mind's shelf
as ghosts assail, whisper and tease.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I thank Teddy 15 for the title
Editing stage:
Workshop:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2020-06-24 09:17
Hi ted
I am pleased you think this scribble matches your title well.And I WISH I had that veto lol
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2020-06-24 07:57
In order too...
get rid of the duplicate [way] maybe you could change that line to read: "As I slowly trace it's winding sway" getting rid of the painfully or the slowly. [too many beats]. [ Made] instead of make. [present tense in make]. The [veto] has already been addressed. Another walk with memories, that bring some back to me. ~ Geez.
.
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scribbler
Wed, 2020-06-24 09:23
HI gee
You don't like the alliteration of winding way? I think I'm going to keep that. But the Made/make thing is a no brainer(you know the kind of mistake made by somebody with no brain ). The beat thing with the painfully line....I thought that might have too many beats when I wrote it but went ahead and posted as is just to give you something to do lmao
author commentGracy
Wed, 2020-06-24 22:32
Dear Stan, this is a moving
Dear Stan, this is a moving poem. I think the title is perfect and your rhymes are wonderful. So many loved lost ones, I can hear you...I admire the way you've deftly put Nature as the background to your feelings. No nits from me, but I'll return for another reading. Got late now and I just finished watching the movie Victoria and Abdul, enjoyed immensely. I'm going to Google it to see how much is fiction. And how Rotten Tomatoes has rated it.
Sorry, I got taken away from your poem. I'll come back asap. All the best, Gracy
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
scribbler
Wed, 2020-06-24 22:58
Hi Gracy
I am always pleased to see you pop up on something I scribbled out
author commentSparrow 42
Thu, 2020-06-25 04:04
Stan
As usual a great write as you try to wander the planet, maybe age dictates that your memory does it for you, lol,
Know how you feel, as I had to look up one of your words and sort out in what context it was put into the poem (Fuges) then that stopped me enjoying the complete write sorry.
One small other mention:- Are good times never meant (veto) last?
I think the VE is probably a memory of last week when VE day was celebrated ??? LOL.
Take care young one we all have these problems ,
Yours as always Ian ..
Words can build a nation
scribbler
Thu, 2020-06-25 08:41
Hi Ian
I corrected the veto typo lol. I figured fugue was a well known word. Maybe not used a lot but well known anyway. Good of you to drop by and you stay clear of the covid
author commentSparrow 42
Thu, 2020-06-25 18:21
Stan
Yes we have been in hibernation for over 12 weeks
only venturing out when ness, You take care and look after yourself and the boss lol,
Yours as always Ian ..
Words can build a nation
scribbler
Thu, 2020-06-25 23:33
I was
even worse. It took TWO people mentioning it before I realized what ya'll were talking about.......I'll blame old age lol
author comment