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Loam (Primal Poetry)

Open to new participants - Primal Poetry - not available in my submission.

1. Monkey brain:

Beats of the ground
I heard a word
rebound rebound
and it was rain
on a tin can clatter

I could see it, rain, patter
drop,drop drum drum
no cave or hollow
was found or sung,
just an old shed
with me deck chaired
and watching the
performance chatter

you are the accumulated shed stuff
that falls under trees
when I hear the beat
I think of this
and all of the subterranean matter

2.The deeper

I visit my old Aunt's house
long gone, my Aunts house,
I climb through a web of rooms
to the attic
wherein, all becomes glass
and a small bridge at the top of
the old house
takes me across
to a strange and small room,
there a door in the wall,
opened easily
crawled through,
and emerged
on the lawn.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I had a couple of listens to the track. They were both different. The initial listening, I think - I was too self aware. The second listening revealed a recurring dream that I used to have as a child. Wow, go figure. Primal Poetry does not appear in the drop down list..?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I meant it to be a workshop critique, but habit...
Anyway, I like it, it seems to me, that really letting go of the outside world and trying to get something to just appear in our "eyelid movie" is just too much to expect the first time. Besides, if we didn't have at least some direction, what would we write? It actually brought something to the fore, that you had thought forgotten. I think that alone might be worth the effort. ~ Geezer.
.

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I appreciate the feedback. This was a very useful exercise for me. I'll get to reading some of the workshop submissions.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

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