Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Little Fingers

Little fingers
Grasp my hand
Wobbly feet
Across the sand

Little fingers
Let me go
Running full force
Into the unknown

Little fingers
Clasp the sand
Stuck on like glue
To a little hand

Little fingers
Cry for help
Whipping grains
Across the scalp

Little fingers
Wants to stay
Little fingers
Run and play

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like the simplicity of the words and how the images were so clear. Many memories of my kids as babies walking across the beach and having fun. Good job for a first write.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

the theme is good and it makes sense all the way through, there are a few spelling mistakes, but other than that, you have written a credible poem! Welcome to Neo. and I hope that you get the best we have to offer. Don't be afraid to ask for help or accept it. You do not have to take everyone's advice and you can use only what you want to.
1] Wobbly
2]whipping
3] scalp?

Geezer.
.

The addition of a premium-membership can:
Help you navigate the site easier, change and create the look of your profile-page!
Just see what you can do! Add a bit of flavor to your profile and kick it up a notch!

Again, Welcome!

This is a sweet first poem. I know parents across the world can read it and imagine their little ones, which is a special feeling. I think that's this poem's best quality. It's clearly about your own family, but you've kept the poem open enough that all parents and all caregivers can read about the little fingers and someone in their life will come to mind. I don't even have children, but am very close with my baby cousins. I sadly live far away now because of university and I get to visit them much less than I would like, but reading this poem I can hear their voices and see their smiles.

The image of the little fingers is also a really great literary device! It is called synecdoche and it what we use when we refer to a whole thing by it's part. Like when we say "give me a hand" when we mean "help me" we are referring to the person's hands to represent all of them. The little fingers in the poem refer to the whole child in a very cute way.

I was going to point out what I thought was a few typos, but Gee has beat me to it. Just like he said, it's your poem and it's up to you to decide if you would like to make changes are not.

Looking forward to more of your work,
Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment.

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

waste any time in making the changes you needed to and it makes the poem so much better. I am so looking forward to your next poem. Don't rush, it doesn't have to be every day, but you can if you get a streak going on. To write about something that really means something to you, will give you all the inspiration you need. If you need help with getting something right, there are plenty of people that will help you. All you have to do is ask. A good dictionary and reading a lot of poetry here or elsewhere, will give you a feel for many different kinds of poetry and you may join any workshop that you feel you want to. As another of our poets says; "Keep writing". Someday you will be able to show your daughter your work and the things that you wrote about her. ~ Geezer.
.

The addition of a premium-membership can:
Help you navigate the site easier, change and create the look of your profile-page!
Just see what you can do! Add a bit of flavor to your profile and kick it up a notch!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.