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Literary Devices Sample Poem II [Critique Workshop]

Mistah Kurtz—he dead.

A penny for the Old Guy

I
We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom
Remember us—if at all—not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

II
Eyes I dare not meet in dreams
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column
There, is a tree swinging
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn
Than a fading star.

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves
No nearer—

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom

III
This is the dead land
This is cactus land
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

IV
The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

V
Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Not amongst other things the use of italics. Please identify as many literary devices as you can find and list them alongside your critique. Identify what could be different about the literary devices and your reactions to the usage of the devices. Do they add or subtract something from the poem? Should there be more or less or different different devices than what currently exists in the poem based on the mood and tone of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Please identify as many literary devices as you can find and list them alongside your critique. Identify what could be different about the literary devices and your reactions to the usage of the devices. Do they add or subtract something from the poem? Should there be more or less or different different devices than what currently exists in the poem based on the mood and tone of the poem?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

Too long a poem for me to keep track and link the parts...i will certainly keep following how others critique this poem from a literary devices perspective...
.....................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Chose a stanza or two and work on that, ok?
This poem is so rich a portion will do, ok raj?

Just make an attempt.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

surely will do that Jess...
.....................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

What makes me feel uncomfortable is that there is no immediatly clear credits to T.S. Elliot. Then I looked at the previous submission to the workshop and could not find credits given to Pablo Neruda.
I am sure that they are there and I just couldn't see it. Please, make it more clear. Maybe add it at the beginning of the poem?

IRiz

I suggest reading the syllabus.
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/great-big-all-inclusive-critique-workshop.
Read some of the readings. It is important it is not credited to the author. It is important you give critique based on syntax.

I do believe that you would value from this workshop especially in terms of giving critique.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

There is a golden rule, I would not deviate under any circumstances. If you cite the words the author name should be next to it. No excuses.
Before posting my comment I did read what is the workshop about. I agree it could be helpful for me. But I am not joining at the moment. Thank you, though.

IRiz

for leaving the well known works untitled, as she did with the first example "Literary Devices Sample Poem [Critique Workshop]".

I understand that this is uncomfortable. I apologise for my earlier tone in replying to you.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

I'll return later but using numbers to label parts of a single poem irritates me unless the different parts were written at different times.

Just analysing syntax, ok?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

hollow men stuffed men:-
creates a visual of an old age home packed together with old men and women [stuffed] who have nothing left in them [hollow]

Leaning together:- holding onto each other for support to their frail forms

dried voices, when We whisper together Are quiet and meaningless As wind in dry grass :- feeble cracked voices barely heard using metaphors like [wind in dry gas] and for dragging feet [rats' feet over broken glass] and for lack of affection [dry cellar ]

Those who have crossed With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom Remember us:- to me this implies that those who are still living and not living dead should remember that we are not complaining knowing that there is nothing left in us to give

may be the title of this poem could also be a literary devise soince it provides a clue as to where the poet is going...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

To begin with I think the poem is a critique of the western civilization; emphasizing the shortcomings of a corporal life. And this is greatly emphasized today in the fact that 99% of wealth is i 1% of hands; that greed runs our industries; that words like integrity seems a telic of the past. Science is now the new (god) all our answers come from there, and physics has asserted, life begins and ends at physical inception. Love is a spiritual thing, and even she suffers when the individual puts themself first.

The first line of the title could be a metonymy because Mistah Kurtz is a stand in for a civilization and their lost of spiritual values. (I am not sure if this is true( spiritual values) but it is the feeling I get.
the second is an allusion because it refers to an old custom of placing pennies on the eyes of the dead.

The next four lines is the beginning of an extended metaphor. comparing the life lived with that of dryness and broken glass etc. which is symbolic with the lost of spiritual vitality.

As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass` is a simile, and the rest of the stanza emphasizes this dryness, this lost of creative spirit, this slavery to the physical..

The next two lines seems examples of contrast, showing that the actions in a dry world falls short of ideal. still continuing the extended metaphor where Mistah Kutz , and his death, is symbol.for a civilization.

The third stanza says we think we are great, we think we are the epitome of history, with the fire of violent souls, but in fact we are hollow men. Hollow probably meaning that the true spiritual power drain from us, and we are left hollow of some higher force.

Part two seems to confirm we all feel that emptiness within us; and it goes on to state how we deal with that emptyness.

.”death's dream kingdom” seems metaphor for the fact that one knows they must someday die. Although punctuation would help me understand those first three lines better.

“Sunlight on a broken column” this negative image is a mood setting element in the poem; they are peppered throughout: hollow men, stuffed men, headpiece filled with straw, dried voices, rat’s feet over broken glass, broken column, the list goes on and on.

Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves
In a field
The disguises here seems metaphor for the fact, that rather than face that emptiness, you hide in a mortal life.

Not that final meeting
In the twilight kingdom
than it finishes with(metaphor) saying, anything but facing death “with direct eyes”

part three,

I really love this first stanza, it starts with those negatives that pepper the poem,
“Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand
Under the twinkle of a fading star.”
then it finishes with all that is worshiped, “supplication of a dead man's hand” is “stone images” dry, hollow, without spiritual force.

Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness
another metaphor, and it paints one of those moments in every life when eternal mystery touched the heart
“Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.”
then it continues with another failure, not having faith beyond time's lock, we kiss “broken stone”
broken stone seems connotation for both mortality and incompleteness

Part four

“The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here”
the two lines are not exact but it does seem like repetition, to bring emphasis to what is stated.
“In this valley of dying stars” this seem symbol of the fact that that which could fill the emptiness is dying within us.
“This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms”
symbol of the present situation “broken jaw”, and suggesting, ‘Lost kingdom” that there was once spiritual light.

This stanza continues to speak of blindness, saying eyes that would face the inevitable are would not see, and it is:
“The hope only
Of empty men.”
Because he says little direct, but most is inference, the poem is basically symbolic.

Part 5

Here fun is made of the fact we are not as great as we think we are, by way of a nursery rhyme.
“for Thine is the Kingdom” another allusion because this line is in the collective consciousness of the western civilization. It is also symbol for spiritual life. It gives meaning to the comparisomes:
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act

the comparisons in the following stanza refers to everyday life. ”Life is very long”

In the next stanza we are again asked to view the comparisons through a spiritual light.

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the
This seems to emphasize, it begins in the spiritual, sees life, then returns to the spiritual.

the last stanza is almost all repetition and returns to making little of a presence civilization in nursery rhyme fashion, saying you think you are great, but holding exclusively to the physical is in truth just a whimper when compared to the reality of the spiritual life.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

what a great analysis...I feel like a fool because I was way off the target...reading your comment/analysis is a lesson for me....
.....................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

It is one of my favorite poems, so I already knew what it was about. Without this pre-knowledge I am sure I would not have come to the same conclusions. Since Elliot is one of my favorite authors I also know a bit of his biography.
So don't feel bad. Had I never seen the poem before I am sure I would not have come up with such an analysis.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

I'm not feeling bad about not coming good with understanding of this poem,,,,thanks to your comments and analysis I could make sense of it all...

thanks again..
.............................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

I
We are the hollow men..........imagery
We are the stuffed men..........imagery with repetition
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!........metaphor
Our dried voices, when.........imagery
We whisper together.............imagery
Are quiet and meaningless......overstatement
As wind in dry grass.............imagery and simile
Or rats' feet over broken glass........same
In our dry cellar........imagery

Shape without form, shade without colour,.....negated comparison
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;....same

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom.....metaphor
Remember us—if at all—not as lost
Violent souls, but only........dang, can't recall the term for ending a thought mid sentence
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

II
Eyes I dare not meet in dreams.........metaphor and imagery
In death's dream kingdom
These do not appear:
There, the eyes are
Sunlight on a broken column.........simile
There, is a tree swinging........mis stated imagery
And voices are
In the wind's singing
More distant and more solemn......imagery
Than a fading star........simile

Let me be no nearer
In death's dream kingdom.........metaphor
Let me also wear
Such deliberate disguises
Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves.........comparative imagery
In a field
Behaving as the wind behaves..........simile
No nearer—

Not that final meeting.........metaphor
In the twilight kingdom.........metaphor

III
This is the dead land........simile
This is cactus land........imagery
Here the stone images
Are raised, here they receive
The supplication of a dead man's hand........now this is a powerful line but I can't label it
Under the twinkle of a fading star.

Is it like this
In death's other kingdom.......simile
Waking alone
At the hour when we are
Trembling with tenderness...........comparative imagery
Lips that would kiss
Form prayers to broken stone.

IV
The eyes are not here
There are no eyes here
In this valley of dying stars..........mataphoric imagery
In this hollow valley
This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms..........metaphor

In this last of meeting places
We grope together
And avoid speech
Gathered on this beach of the tumid river

Sightless, unless
The eyes reappear
As the perpetual star
Multifoliate rose
Of death's twilight kingdom
The hope only
Of empty men.

V
Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom

For Thine is
Life is
For Thine is the

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends..........obvious reinforcement via repletion
Not with a bang but a whimper..........further reinforcement via unexpected statement

Stan,
I think the word you were looking was enjambment, line break in the middle of the sentence. In this case to emphasize the word ONLY.

IRiz

I might not know all the names but I know when I see them lol

if for learners like me terminologies about literary devices are explained with examples..consider this as a request...alternately if a list of all literary devices terminologies is provided i would be able to do online search for the same one by one....i know this sounds like a fundamental question but honestly that's how I am at the moment
.........................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

enjambment is already explained by Riz right above.
Metaphor----this is comparing one thing to another , eg. My love is like a red red rose
Simile----to say something IS something which it isn't , eg My memory is a vault
Imagery----words used to accurately describe something in order to paint a picture in readers' minds , eg. two roads diverged in a yellow wood

I'm not gonna hog this explanation so others can chip in with other devices

Hi raj

swamp-witch put links under part 2 literary devices

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

here are the links to Ian's compilation of poetic terms and forms-
https://www.neopoet.com/sparrow/blog/fri-2015-01-23-0850
https://www.neopoet.com/sparrow/blog/fri-2015-01-23-0851
this is a link to a pdf glossary of poetic terms you can download to your phone or tablet as a reference manual
http://pillsbury.mpls.k12.mn.us/uploads/poetryterms.pdf
and don't forget the incredible array of Curated Resources here at
https://www.neopoet.com/resources

Whenever you see a blog or forum you think might be a useful resource you can add it to Curated Resources yourself at
https://www.neopoet.com/node/add/resource

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

thanks for the guidance...
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raj (sublime_ocean)

It is really heartening to see poets put in the extra yards to improve our 'art and sullen craft'

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment
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