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lightning

Submitted by riotface97 on Mon, 2015-04-20 07:25

i was sitting and watching the rain
thinking about every drop
that
tumbled
twisted
and turned
in the wind
and i thought about lightning
these magnificent sparks of energy
shooting towards the ground
in a brilliant display of affluence

but i felt numb

for these pixels on
my retina, hd, 15-inch screen
had rendered me senseless
through constant bombardment
of captivation, information, communication
now
now
now

movies and fast food
and race cars and mansions
more i screamed give me more
i crave more, i need more

crashing to the ground
please help me, i am but an addict
take this clear coloured
liquid of painful pleasure
and tear it from my trembling hands

i sit and i weep

oh how i wish
i could see
the lighting once again

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
I was sitting on my computer listening to the rain when I realised how desensitised I had become to awe and beauty and how I was bombarding my brain with artificial stimuli till it rendered even the most captivating experiences as ordinary. Of course I wrote a poem about it, tell me what you think, it could be cliché but I felt passionate writing this poem so I'll let myself off just this once.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

whitetea

Thu, 2015-04-23 05:03

whitetea's picture

This is well crafted.

You did well with describing habit and impulse and getting caught up with technology vs the natural world and it's wonders.

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