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Lattice Envoi

And these marshes, maybe they are for fools. On one side the cloud had a shadow flushed pane, the same as in twisting skylights.
A hand waved in filaments, a shock had destroyed the film canister’s continents and five strips hung near the gold, where a halved alien face brewed in this storm with a showgirl’s.
How am I to live in dismissal with these beatified peeks, as a small golden beetle eating through pink wrapping paper till the gift is seen?
He’d cried out the second time, but not the first. I kicked him in bicycle flips, stilling for a moment’s air near my landing, and used her Orange Glo pumps to do it.
She’d promised to do something if I beat the vagrant outside our fleabag hotel and steal his plastic meal, which consisted of chicken and beetles. Managing to extract the green painted hookah from inside her, she coughed in a way almost to rouse concern. I gave her the last girl’s glass jaw she grew jealous, buying adhesive at the dollar store and using blue adhesive to claim her.
“Your freedom is the living lost in life”, she spat. “Not life.”
“Yes”, I replied.
Hurling the bed out the window, her face splattered on the wallpaper. I stole the last Lady beetle, throwing it to the young homeless man with his stovepipe hat and filthy pipe; then ran to the streets to give alms and beg with him.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments

This would be so cool to see re-imagined into an animated film. It's surreal and jumps from place to place (in a good way) just like a film can with good enough editing. You really can keep a reader guessing and I love that.

One little thing:
the film canister’s continents --> did you mean "contents"?

After looking it up, I enjoyed the meta use of "envoi" in the title. Yet I wonder, does it suggest that this is part of a larger piece? I would love to see it, if so. If not, I do always love the "in medias res" style, which adds even further to this feeling like a great inspiration for a film.

I think this is one Jess should read for a spoken word poem, so I'll point it out to him if you don't mind!

Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

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Yes that is a typo, the film canister's continents. You're definitely spot on about the short film thing, yes indeed. Thank you! Jess' voice is always welcome.

author comment

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

would be rad. Thank you, man

author comment

Asked me to offer my two cents, so here is is, a pleasure to read:

https://soundcloud.com/user528181418/lattice-envoi

Cheers,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

you friend. A very paced, wonderful reading; both you and Jess have distinct styles that compliment it. When it is published I will send you guys free copies. Kelsey is great.

author comment

Working on nothing but a laptop and a 4g connection at the moment, but gave it my best shot. Golden tonsils always sounds better in my ear, but the sentiment is appreciated.

Cheers.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

after first hitting up some crystal meth and listening to The Residents "Commercial Album" or some fucking hardcore technopunk very loud.
[wanders off giggling and shrieking fiendishly]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

I got dragged out of my shell to a thing called the "Alison Wonderland warehouse project" down here in Hobart..I think I saw more Aphex Twin fans - forty plus, than I could comprehend. House parties are definitely not dead..:-)

Cheers,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

meth is probably the worst drug out there, Jess--try some caffeine gum. I always use that when I need a high. Easy to order online; "Jolt" is great. ONE PIECE.

Chris, it is really good to know that not every young person is sitting on the internet. I think so, anyway.

author comment

have tried but never touch that shit. Guaranteed psychosis.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Is sometimes seldom spotted, often unappreciated. I'm going to chuck on some Aphex Twin, "Come to Daddy" and spliff up some special K! Hmm.. OK maybe just a roll-up and some dodgy home-brew..;)

I liked it (your reading)

Audio is a bit of a challenge at the moment. I am getting Wireless NBN teed up (what a bunch of wankers to deal with they are..?) - issue is , all these bloody buildings I'm in at the moment, are heritage listed (even though you would quite happily pull some of them down, were it the UK for example) - but we have to fine somewhere to mount the bloody thing. Then..I'll finally be back on regularly with a bit of luck.

Always good to read you mate.

Cheers,

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

friend

author comment
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