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just passing through the snow, breathing

Through the forest,
a severed heart
ascends and
writes its epiphany

you asleep as I
agonize this poem,
we slept
far away
from open arms

I yearn for
someone I did
not know


poems fall
in the silence
I would not know
until the dream
of you I had taken off
like a blanket
of white

dogs bark in the distance
between us.

I thought there would be more,
to this poem, I thought we could
never fall in love.


Editing stage: 


Love that we all write so differently
I loved this poem
(Yes I know that sounds incredibly sappy
so sue me!! I get to get sappy here!!)

Im the one who enjoys storyline clips from
playstation and xbox games

im the one who read harlequin in the psych ward
gathering area and enjoys FLowers Duet by Delibres

there are more locked up ways of being then just
locked in or locked out
Jagged edged tantilizers
soft and hypnotic like tranquilizers

The whole poem is my favourite
usually there are fave lines
but not this one

I soak in this whole poem
like the fleeting sheets of cloud
on the jewels that gleam
past midnight

Thank You Kailashana

but not the line breaks. You generally have an instinctive talent to separate your lines in a way that "breathes" (sorry, that's the best the way I can describe it). I don't have much to offer in the way of suggestion (free verse and all), but here's a go.
"Through the forest sunrise" or "Through the forest - sunrise,
a severed heart ascends
and writes its epiphany."
I haven't your sense for this, so all I share is how I read it.
If I can make a better suggestion... read "Green Mansions" again. It demonstrates marvelously that "talent" you have for breaks.
Did any of this make any sense?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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