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Just passing Through

You said you're no one; a just passer-through,
a mere dim light, a shadow in the night,
a guest, who seeks some rest, a farewell, adieu.
You said you're no one; a just passer-through,
but you infused my pen with muse anew,
and stirred my heart, you glimmered my sight
though you said you're no one; a passer- through,
a mere dim light, a shadow in the night.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

he passed through
and left a lovely shadow
of a muse
in you

Lovedly. Appreciate your kind words.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I think not. The title is apt.
Language, bright and descriptive.
Rhythm, fluid.
Pattern, consistent throughout.
Pacing, easy flow.
In fact it benefits from the fact that English is not your first language.
Such wonderful phrases as glimmered my sight would be unlikely from a native speaker.
All in all, it worked for me.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Mr. Logan for the visit.
The triolet, is one french form. You might like to give it a shot if you haven't yet.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

and failed so badly that I did not even keep an archive of my efforts. At the time, I was searching out different forms and trying to master them. I came to the conclusion that the percentage of readable poems that came from these exercises was so poor that the effort was essentially a waste of time. Yours is indeed one of the better ones but I stand by that decision for self.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

How do you write a triolet?

Alid

This french form is not a strict one in meter or syllable count like the sonnet. Tetrameter or pentameter most likely to be. It is eight lines. The refrain is repeated on line 4 and 7. The second line is repeated in line 8 with the rhyme scheme ABaAabAB where the capital
A and B stand for the refrain repeated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Only change i'd make is in line six, ( you stirred my heart, glimmered my sight.) apart from that i like it very much. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Great to see you here. I appreciate it if you tell me what/why exactly you didn't like that line.
Appreciate your feedback.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

Thank you for posting. You have the bones of a wonderful poem here. I shall return to it with my full thoughts later as a muse has struck me.

Scott

I shall be waiting for your feedback. Hope it's not that bad :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

This appears to conform to some kind of poetry form because I can see refrains and may be some rhyme sequence too...apparently a tough ask for amateurs like me....i liked it...have you deliberately omitted the word [just] in the refrain at L7? you always like to try out some novel forms like the one you have posted here..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for passing through :)
I don't know why do you insist on belittling yourself. Everyone knows that you write great poetry. Now,
About this form you're right, it's a french form "triolet". Hope you would give it a shot. No strict meter or syllable count.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

Triolet? What is the configuration like of this form?

raj (sublime_ocean)

Triolet

Poem

A triolet is a stanza poem of eight lines. Its rhyme scheme is ABaAabAB and often all lines are in iambic tetrameter: the first, fourth and seventh lines are identical, as are the second and final lines, thereby making the initial and final couplets identical as well.
Hope this explains what you are looking for, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Thanks Ian for an elaborate information on Triolet.

Gosh! it's much tougher that Rula made it out to be..i get nightmares at the mention of iambic, meters and strict rhyme sequence :)

Thanks again,
..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Sorry I forgot to mention that I intentionally dropped the (just) to keep the rhythm. Do you think I need it ?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

Good one.

Alid

Thank you for reading. Appreciate the visit and the comment

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

We are all passing through, lovely write here and twigging a memory of having to stop off someplace to write things in the shadows of the evenings.
The muses play with the shadows as people play with feelings, think on fair maiden of the sandy vista, there in the light and heat of day we will find inner peace,
Yours as always Ian..x

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I am pleased to know that this piece appeals to you. I too am happy with it after the long drought.
Appreciate the kind visit!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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