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Just being here

I have walked within these earthly bonds
Listening to all I meet and talking of like things
Joining brother, sister no matter who they are
Spreading my ways sometimes much too thinly

Loving each one as they walked with me.
Yet how much do we know of each in our shells
That we learn through words and not actions
Each a separate entity as if an old mythical God

Times come to me as they drift day on day
People became near as if touching hands
Words became entwined in like thoughts
Places travelled where each had their own

Forgive me out there as I talk to your ways
In hope that we could bridge the gaps of ages
No ocean lapped at separate lands for us
We stretched, minds joining the distant shores

There we knew we were safe in like stations
The life as we joined created a bond so secure
I love all of my friends as they ponder so
Stalking the words to use poetry row on row

Help me make these joining’s stronger in the now
As in future days there we will be closer bond
All life will pass us, or we will walk into its maw
Remember I will hold you my friends for evermore

Some of you will journey on to places unknown
Take a piece of me as you leave, or better just stay
I cannot hold any of you in my hands as things go
Just that I am blessed to have known you so.

While we are here promise me that you will talk free
No worries of where we have been or where we go
Just take each other and know we are just the same
Poetry or prose no matter it is what we are in a name

Soon we all will travel on to places of our choice
Yet we can call each other with our poetic voice
Now answer me in words of your very own
Being free and when far from home remember me

I shall remember words and sometimes voice so true
Of the things we have done together as time flew
It hurried me to a place I know where all are of like mind
Join me there one day, not one of you will be left behind.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Just a thought of the bond we have when writing and talking of each others work, I hope that in future days we can become closer as this world is too full of war and bad feelings. We can in our small voices bring each of us together as a band of fellows..
Editing stage: 

Comments

I am touched by not just your poem but in its essence where one can sense your call to hear you out and your inner voice urging for all of us to stick together no matter where no matter how far or near we are in this world but joined by the common thread of Neopoet community

No matter how, no matter why
we have been destined to ensemble
may be we'll meet, may be not
yet you seem near, never too far

In words we endear, may be not always
yet we do hear, your inner voice in verse

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you for your reply to this one, and as you can see I think we can do more for each other and join the world up with a thread of good words,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

I liked this poem Ian, very much, the only place I tripped
was in the repetition of shores in verse four, otherwise these
are words of wisdom and empathy, and well versed too.

Love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Lovely to see you here and have missed you walking with us as we go along of late.
Sadly I removed one of my shores now I have only one beach left lol, thanks for showing the problem.
Now I am going to write this one up as suggested by Jonathan, also am going to ask him with his knowledge of poetry to become more active on Neopoet, we shall have to hopefully see.
I hope you are both coping and that your health is better now, Thinking of you over there,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Ian, I am going to comment on technical issues as a way to control the flow and presentation of your work.

With the inconsistent punctuation, many times I had to stop and restart passages which gave me a disjointed feel when reading the piece and left me feeling as if I had to work to get through sections.

Also, even though this is free verse, the regular stanza structure was, to me, another impediment to a smooth read. Flow is controlled through a combination of punctuation for hard instruction, lines for softer or "catch your breath" moments and stanzas to denote a thought.

As an example of recasting your structure only:

I have walked within these earthly bonds,
Listening to all I meet
and talking of like things;
Joining brother, sister, no matter who they are,
Spreading my ways sometimes much too thinly.

Loving each one as they walked with me.

Yet how much do we know
of each in our shells that we learn through words and not actions,
Each a separate entity
as if an old mythical God?

Times come to me
as they drift day on day.
People became near
as if touching hands.
Words became entwined in like thoughts
Places travelled
where each had their own.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

Thank you very much for coming in and taking time to comment in this way on this piece.
I have a nasty habit of sitting here writing a poem and putting it straight on stream without really reading it through as I should do.
I shall take all of your comment on board as I come to edit this piece a little later.
Once again thanks, I value your comments above the average ones,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

you entwine people
with your grace and charm
so where's the harm
to read this lengthy one

its a bell
that tolls
for everyone
Ian well done!

Sorry this one was so long it just arrived, and it needs a lot of work on its form and use of too many words.
Thank you for your effort,
I know that you find long pieces hard to keep your attention,
but they are still written,
I shall write some Japanese based pieces for you lol,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

dyslexic
suffering from ADHD
and what else just ask Sadie

When will she call me?

do read my latest blog ere it vanishes

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