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Judge, Jury and Executioner

The silver star pinned to the marshal’s grease-stained vest didn't belong to him. It belonged to Thomas, his younger brother, who had been dead for three winters. Thomas had been the foolish one, believing a tin badge could hold back the rot of the territories. When he took the office in the valley, he wrote letters home about the rising brick fronts and the black-lime plaster walls of the new saloons. He also wrote about Caleb Lynch—a man who smelled of imported rosewater and cold iron, who controlled every faro game from the creek to the canyon rim. Lynch had offered Thomas a cut of the skimming to keep his boots off the main street. Thomas refused. The retaliation wasn't swift; it was a slow, methodical execution. Lynch’s gun hands didn't use bullets. They caught Thomas behind the livery stables, pinned his arms with cattle ropes, and used heavy timber posts to break his ribs one by one until his lungs filled with his own blood. They dragged his body out to the dry creek bed and left him face-down in the alkali mud. When the townspeople found him, his fingernails were split down to the quick from clawing at the frozen gravel, trying to drag himself back toward the light. The local circuit judge took one look at the three rows of fresh graves in the cemetery, turned his mule cart around, and never came back. When the elder brother received the blood-crusted star in a canvas sack, he didn't weep. He didn't petition the territorial governor for a warrant. He went to his shed, took a file to the sear of his colt peacemaker until the trigger pulled with the weight of a feather, and rubbed animal fat into his leather duster to keep out the desert rain. He tracked Lynch by the trail of cold chimneys and broken storefronts he left behind. He didn't ride into Town to read a text from a law book or offer a fair trial. He came because the earth was still choking on his brother's name, and he rode hard into that town……

The iron spurs chime soft on splintered pine,
where lonely graves run out in crooked line.
A leather duster, stained with grease and grey,
now cuts the midday glare of yellow day.
He halts his mare beside the wooden trough,
and shakes the heavy desert dryness off.
The black wind sweeps across the valley floor,
to rattle every broken iron door.

The shadow of the gallows stretches long,
to silence every tavern's drunken song.
The townspeople are hiding in the dark,
to pray the coming storm will leave no mark.
The lawman pushes wide the rusted hinge,
where broken men carouse in frantic binge.
The room turns cold and quiet, stiff and dead,
as cards are dropped and faces fill with dread.

Behind the smoky bar sits Caleb Lynch,
a snake who never yields a single inch.
Old Caleb smiles with teeth of tarnished gold,
a brutal man whose heart is dead and cold.
His velvet coat is soiled with vintage wine,
he rules this valley by a dark design.
He grips a cane with heavy silver head,
and mocks the stranger with a voice of lead.

The outlaw boasts of blood upon his hands,
of graves he dug across the burning sands.
He claims the law can never cross the creek,
to save the broken-hearted and the weak.
The marshal listens with a frozen stare,
and lets the heavy tension fill the air.
"You hold no power here," the tyrant sneers,
“I feed upon this valley’s blood and tears.
The man who wore that star is in the ground,
where not a single shred of life was found.”

The lawman takes a slow and steady breath,
and steps into the shadow cast by death.
“I did not come to argue or to plead,
or watch a wicked coward brag and bleed.
I came to collect a heavy debt you owe,
for burying my brother down below.”
He counts the steps across the cedar floor,
and locks his eyes on Caleb Lynch once more.

The silver star upon the faded vest
becomes the only law across the west.
The marshal kicks the table, ends the game,
and speaks a missing brother's forgotten name.
Old Caleb signals with a subtle nod,
to send this foolish lawman straight to God.
A hammer clicks behind the faro bar,
a sudden flash outshines the evening star.

No gavel sounds, no jurist ever speaks,
just wind that howls for every ghost he seeks.
The feather-trigger slips before they blink,
as lead shatters a glass of amber drink.
The lawman dives beside a heavy crate,
to unleash three winters of bottled hate.
The room erupts in blinding sulphur smoke,
as heavy timber beams are split and broke.
A hired killer screams and grips his side,
with nowhere left in that burning room to hide.
The marshal fans his hammer, blind and fast,
to make each roaring second match the last.

The cold steel gleams in yellow lantern light,
to bleed the darkness from the lawless night.
Three hired gun hands hit the sawdust floor,
as Caleb draws a derringer for war.
Two heavy thunders shake the plaster wall,
the tyrant stumbles in the smoky hall.
His velvet coat is stained a deeper red,
he slumps against the bar, already dead.

The survivors tremble in the corner shade,
to watch the bloody payment he has made.
The bartender puts down his stolen gold,
as justice takes a firm and final hold.
The town is quiet now, the terror gone,
as people wait to see a different dawn.
The marshal turns and does not look behind,
through bitter smoke that leaves the windows blind
Then out he rides toward the canyon rim,
with prairie dark about to swallow him.
The town breathes deep along the silent street,
and leaves the past beneath the horse’s feet.

The desert does not keep a man’s ledger, but the alkali mud remembers the weight of what it buries.
By morning, the black wind had died to a whisper, leaving a clean sheet of grey dust over the main street of the valley town. Inside the saloon, the smell of burnt sulphur had begun to give way to the sour stench of spilled whiskey and stale beer. The three hired gun hands were stacked like cordwood behind the livery stables—the very place where Thomas had taken his last breath three winters before.
Caleb Lynch remained where he had fallen, his velvet coat stiffened black with his own blood, his fingers frozen around the handle of a silver cane that no longer held any power. Nobody reached down to pocket his tarnished gold teeth. Nobody came to claim his body for the cemetery up on the ridge. By noon, the townspeople emerged from their darkened rooms, their boots crunching softly on the splintered pine of the saloon porch. They didn't speak the marshal's name, for none of them knew it, but they looked out toward the western canyon rim where the horse's tracks had already been scrubbed away by the sand.
Three days later, a new circuit judge rode into the valley on a fresh mule. He found the town quiet, the brick fronts standing tall under a clear blue sky, and a tin star pinned firmly to the center of the saloon’s heavy cedar bar. Though the metal was still dark and crusted with Thomas’s dried blood, its unbent points caught the midday glare with a fierce, cold light. The judge reached out to touch it, then stopped, noticing the deep gouges in the wood beneath it—carved by a heavy hunting knife, spelling out a single word: Paid.

— RJ Bear, Jun 24, 2026

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Prologue and epilogue written in prose with the main story is in AABB

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing Stage: Polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney Australia, AUS

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Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

1 week 2 days ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This piece sets out to braid three modes together — a prose preface, a long narrative in heroic couplets, and a prose coda — and the most striking thing is how deliberately the framing devices echo across all three. The blood-crusted star handed over in a canvas sack at the opening returns, carved into the cedar bar with the single word "Paid," at the close. That structural rhyme gives the whole a satisfying sense of closure, and the final image of the gouged word is the strongest single moment here: it lets an object carry the meaning rather than stating it outright.

The prose preface does considerable work establishing stakes, and the detail of the split fingernails "clawing at the frozen gravel" lands with real specificity. There is restraint in the elder brother's response — the cataloguing of small, practical acts (filing the sear, rubbing fat into the duster) characterizes him through preparation rather than declaration, which is more effective than any stated grief would be.

The couplets are technically consistent, holding their meter and rhyme steadily across many stanzas, which is no small feat to sustain. The opening quatrain of the verse section is among the best of it: "The iron spurs chime soft on splintered pine, / where lonely graves run out in crooked line." The sound there is controlled, and "crooked line" does double duty as image and foreboding.

Where the verse tends to lose force is in its reliance on stock phrasing. "His heart is dead and cold," "blood and tears," "straight to God," and "bottled hate" arrive as ready-made units, and because they ask nothing of the reader they slacken the tension the preface built. The poem already demonstrates it can do better — the concrete "teeth of tarnished gold" and "silver head" of the cane prove the eye for specific detail is available. One actionable approach would be to identify the three or four most generic abstractions in the couplets and replace each with a physical particular drawn from the same world the prose inhabits, so the verse matches the prose's texture.

A related issue is that the verse sometimes narrates emotion the scene could instead enact. Lines such as "and lets the heavy tension fill the air" or "as justice takes a firm and final hold" tell the reader how to feel about a moment that the staging has already created. Trusting the action to carry its own weight, and cutting the interpretive line, would tighten several stanzas and let the gunfight read faster, which suits its content.

One point of friction worth flagging is the tonal register. The prose aims for a spare, mythic gravity — "the earth was still choking on his brother's name" — while the gunfight verse occasionally tips toward the conventions of pulp Western action, with rooms erupting and seconds roaring. These are not incompatible, but the seam between them is visible, and the coda's quieter, more elegiac voice ("the alkali mud remembers the weight of what it buries") suggests the register the whole piece may want to settle into. Bringing the combat verse a half-step toward that gravity, rather than toward spectacle, would unify the three sections more fully.

Finally, the central irony embedded in the title — a man who refuses the law's machinery becoming "the only law across the west" — is the poem's richest idea, and the verse states it plainly in that very line. The coda complicates it well by withholding the marshal's name and erasing his tracks, leaving only the carved word behind. Consideration might be given to whether the explicit line is necessary at all, given how eloquently the closing image makes the same argument without naming it.

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Geezer

Geezer

1 week 2 days ago

A good story...

 I enjoyed the prose and the rhyme was really great! 
I think the AABB rhyme scheme needs too much conversation to make the line; which in turn leaves room for some poor choices when choosing for the corresponding line.

"Three hired gun hands hit the sawdust floor,
as Caleb draws a derringer for war." [It could also be a matter of punctuation].

There are others that sound like stage or movie direction in some way.

"The marshal turns and does not look behind,
through bitter smoke that leaves the windows blind."

These are the risks in getting too detailed in response of a circle of needing more of each line to explain and WTH do you do for a rhyming word?

In the world of stories, A+, top notch, sudden justice and vengeance is mine, kind of Glint Westwood thing. Nice. The prose was nicely done, just the right length, the rhyme; as said before, very well done! ~ Geez.

 

Ray Bear

Ray Bear

1 week 1 day ago

Thank you

These are fun to write and as always there is room for improvement.  Every time I read through it I think maybe I should go a different way. But that's part and parcel of writing regards Ray 

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