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jealousy
i was great once
no
i was
and i’ll wipe that fucking smirk
off your stupid face
you sit there,
laughing
i hope you burn
you think you’re a charmer
yeah these idiots
may flock
hold you up
on a 10 foot
pedestal
but i’ll get a chainsaw
cut you down
and then we’ll see
who's smiling
Last few words:
I was trying to capture the hatred that jealousy can cause. I'm a bit unsure about this one though
Editing stage:
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Comments
swamp-witch
Tue, 2017-03-14 23:15
Hey Riot,
I think you definitely captured how jealousy can feel and what our internal monologue may sound like. We stop thinking rationally and our thoughts do often absolutely become violent, even if we would never act on those feelings (sadly, some people do act on them, and then it becomes an episode of Cops or Criminal Minds).
I think you're really getting at something in your first lines, "i was great once / no / i was." We do often try to reason with and explain ourselves and re-validate ourselves after that other person has made us feel so inferior that we become jealous, so we remind ourselves of how we were/are. I think there is room there to add more. Maybe try some sarcasm or disdain? Think of the dialog continuing like: "I was, really. But you'd never know because you're too conceited to ask." I'd love to see where that takes you, if you decide to make additions.
Kelsey
Critique, don't comment.
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