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Jardin de Giverny - Canvas Print 1000 words contest

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Mon, 2017-07-10 21:47

https://www.icanvas.com/canvas-print/jardin-de-giverny-312?gclid=CMH1w7e...

Mother Nature is her name;
no other match her fame;
blossoms sprout, weaved carpet;
beautiful flowers everywhere.

No one feeds them, thus they grew;
all they need, comes from her;
plush green, from the source;
untainted, natural resource.

The balances of nature at its best,
when left alone by the rest;
tall trees, leaves sway;
thousands of colors, spring forward.

River flow beneath her roots,
around the mountains, sea to sea,
like manna, down from heaven, vegetation sprouted,
for man and woman, days and centuries.

Mother Nature is her name;
man formed from her belly;
to cultivate the garden of eden;
live free, naturally.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
1000 words can paint a picture

Comments

riotface97

Tue, 2017-07-11 03:50

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I'll be honest that when I began reading I worried (prematurely) that a repetitive rhyme scheme may detract from the work. Then I got to the last two lines in the first stanza and realised how very wrong I was. It really drew me in and held my attention for the entire piece and I found it to be quite poignant though for the life of me I couldn't tell you why. Thanks for the read,

Nicholas.

Barbara Writes

Wed, 2017-07-12 01:25

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I made a few changes
Can't for life of me see how it evoke a keen sense of sadness or regret. But then Ive been told I'm Ass backward. Oh well
Glad it held you In till the end
Thanks for your critique. Poetry heals but never impose. I guess this one imposed

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vandiemenspeak

Tue, 2017-07-11 10:41

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This paints a vivid picture of a garden of flowers Barbara, the scheme being less strict and more susceptible, just makes it more wild and untrammeled - wondered who the artist was though, I looked it up and found a number of corresponding images. perhaps a link and some notes on the artist may help?

Good stuff, enjoyed.

Thanks.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Barbara Writes

Wed, 2017-07-12 01:37

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I just wrote freely what I felt from the painting.
Less strict and susceptible is what I was going for.
Natural and wild is how life should be.
Not the way it is now strict and susceptible to the unnatural harm of man's rule.
Glad you enjoyed it. It was fun to write.
Ill post a link to the painting

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Barbara Writes

Wed, 2017-07-12 22:29

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Glad you like it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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