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Before it is too late...(Mindful Memorable Free Form WS)

I always wanted
the hands of the cuckoo clock
to catch time;
to stop it,
or at least to slow it down
so as not to run
not to race with the lub dub beats
Of my heart
before it is too late
before death alarms aloud

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

..will come back to re-read again..

"Mindful Memorable Freeform"

again I do not like ellipses.
And the word 'bleeping' feels trivial, unless you are talking about freedom of speech on the internet, in which case you need to express it better.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

is 'onomatapoia', a figure of speech that should in a way strengthen the verse by adding an audiable sound and so to produce a stronger effect

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

The theme is right there and clearly understood

I am just a wee put off by your use of "the tick tock"

would it mess up the poem if you were to say something like
the ticking of the clock? as I might be wrong but I took it as a reference to the clock

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

as I am using tick tock to refere to the clock. But may be you are right that I will make it more serious if I said " the hands of the clock. " Does this make any sense?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

oh come on, this is a tough pool, be honest.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

to give this a better read?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

this is poignant and quite profound.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Ah now there it is
much better nice work here

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

..nice read, you captured my attention! it's more memorable (for me)..

for your help and nice comments. Appreciated
Regards

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

memorable
but one thing spoils it for me - the last line.. i just don't like 'horns' – are you using onamatopeia here ? it is too harsh for me., and doesn't really fit the text (imo lol) ... I think I’d prefer a ‘clock’ word…
‘alarms’ or 'chimes' perhaps?

also- just as a by the by – I wonder if it might work better without the ‘the’ in the third line?
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

with horn (beeping) it was found silly
now I thought 'horns' works well with death as death is indeed harsh
but i loved your suggestions . I'll give them a thought.

Thanks dear ..
Where have you been ? :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

sometimes the real world takes all my time - full time work and all...

i'm back now for a few days -do check out exercise 3 for the critique workshop
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

jess
Chrys
araj
and judy
for your comments and suggestions. Regards to all.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment
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