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Insight...

And in the time of darkness
there moved in the Stygian night
A shadow born with awareness
far from human sight

It flowed with grace and silence
blocked from any view
Evil steeped in violence
'Twas meat in a simmering stew

It preyed upon his mind
drew life from darkened thought
Took whatever it could find
destroyed him as he fought

Life will touch your cheek
cup your chin in loving hand
Hide the scents that reek
Give you hope for promised lands

Then the other hand decides
which finger it will use
to poke out both your eyes
and deliver sorry news

The shadow took his grief
paid the bill with memory loss
Becoming more than a thief
leaving him with only dross

But, I view it all as kindness
and I understand
how memory loss and blindness
can satisfy a man

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Savannah Beach, The easy way out. what we can't see or remember cannot hurt.
I love how you put this together skillfully.
Bravo.
Darkness is where you live, you have a good command of it.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I've heard about it before, is that an expression of policemen? I think it had to do with retirement to a place without a care? Thanks for the read and comment, so glad that you enjoyed this one, I worked on it hard. ~ Gee

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A good write I can see that you are building up to relate another of Killers spree's.
Loved this one it had body and griped with murderous hands.
Yours as always, Ian.T
PS:- Digit has gone to Washington DC, so could you find a beach near you that we can hold a party???(In peace that is)

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

is about to embark on a new spree. I wrote this after making a comment to a friend of mine, after receiving a ticket for speeding. It was a good day up until then. My comment to the friend was that " Life will caress your cheek and cup your chin with one hand while the other one is figuring out which fingers to use to poke out your eyes. We aren't on the ocean but, we have a few good beaches on lakes. We have a nice man-made lake close by, and Saratoga Lake is about 25 miles, along with Lake George which is about 40 miles, but well worth the trip. There is an amusement park right there and it's lots of fun! Thanks for the read and comment, ~ Gee

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The amusement park sounds so good Digit loves those places it will remind him of one of his kills on the ghost train at Blackpool lol, he told me he loved that name Black Pool it brought things to his mind that gave pleasure lol.
Take care young traveller Lake George sounds just fine with its scary rides I hope, well if they aren't scary now they will be.
Yours J Sparrow
PS:-
Canoe Island Lodge Bolton Landing,
a private island off shore and lakefront motel rooms and cabins, this private resort offers swimming off a sandy beach, sailing, lake cruises,
Gee this sounds like a party place for Killer, Nevermore and Digit to meet and have fun..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

This has a deep felt beauty and powerful poetic qualities, untypical of your Killer poems. It stands alone.

The only crit is that you lose scansion badly in the lines

The shadow took his grief
paid the bill with memory loss
It became the thief
left him with just dross

perhaps
It became a mere thief
alone with just his dross

just an idea.
Killer is becoming more than a poet.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

for the comment, I think you are on to something there. I'm glad that you liked this one, it really is a little bit different than the usual Killer poems. Don't expect that it will continue to hold this course, but there will be more, I'm sure. I'm pleased to see that you recognize that there is more to Killer than just the violence. Thanks, ~ Gee

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author comment

How I have missed him! My inner serial killer has been quiet for sometime, nothing new to create. Maybe she will find inspiration in Killer new adventure. Sorry you got a speeding ticket. Life has a way of pissing in people's cornflakes on a regular basis....looking forward to more from killer!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

hasn't had much to do lately. I sometimes wonder where he goes and what he is doing, when he is not around.
He always comes back though. I hope that maybe I can get the ticket reduced to parking on the pavement or something. I really don't need any more marks on my license. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Gee

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They reduce the charge for you. Will look for more Killer adventures in the future...glad to see you are back.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

sometimes the flow is great..good mood...the open road..
not in anger..the reduced focus...a thrill of the run..
never heard the term savanah beach..

and only lately ive found Sultan Sea.....which is interesting
up here we have major mines and oil operations...
old complexes of military nature

im very much enjoying a new complexity and smoothness
in this work also that you have crafted
and some vintage well worked words that fit well..
its a great read today...

Thank You!

Savannah Beach = Son of a bitch.
A term I created as to not be crude.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

rudimentary dear watson....

im rude....and crude at times..
yes i had polish earlier..
i like your adaptation of it
the immersion

to be called a cur
a mongrel
a stray

savannah
never been there

but to beachs
and other i have..

thank you..

Killer has been in a reflective mood as of late. I know that you usually write in that mode, so you know something about it. I think I remember you giving me some good reviews on some of the Killer and Sir Gee dialogues. Those were introspective in nature too. Now I recognize the lightly disguised term! Thanks for the read and comments. Is there somewhere that I could improve the flow? Thanks, ~Gee

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author comment

Savannah Beach = Son of a bitch.

I am too blunt no need for anyone to hunt
I'd openly say
S O B
-+++====
Savannah Beach
YOUR SAVANNAH BEACH

rudimentary dear Watson

I'd rather prefer it as
Elementary Mr Watson...
one such SAVANNAH kind maybe

Loved
this one it had body and griped with murderous
hands.
Ian and Loved both included as it stands

Cruz does support
Savannah Beach, The easy way out.
So now it appears

now yours
Gee

''But I view it all as kindness
and understand
how memory loss and blindness
can satisfy a man...''
My views only
In English UK English, after a conjunction,
e.g. but
comma, is not needed USA English varies slightly
Also I have missed reading your authentic poetry
Now I shall
as you say my understanding no more does sway
as most Neo's now do say

and I must also add
since you are a grand
Dad
'''blind men /folks read Braille better
than those with eyes understand
see how in this modern scientific world
where we all
each one of us does stand
holding each other’s hand.

Hope you will pardon my intrusion
and
if I have caused any confusion
delete this
My nonsensical version.

loved

I always Love to hear from you. ~ Gee

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author comment

can I post it as my next poetry
for more Neos to see

loved

the veil..how our paths entwine....i always said its societies normality
that keeps cars rushing at each other at seventy miles an hour on a good
day from hitting head on.....the white line would be an ideal...like a poem
a song..a logic byte in advertisement or rule by conduct..codes protocols..
whom we rush by is the mystery..the dark passenger behind us..behind
the wheel..we are they sitting expanding their intelligence or boredom..amusement or crushed under the crippling stressors the focus on the bezel of the cell phone the watch the dials of inner workings....how far can it be pushed...fore a gauge is only a measurement and not the finite infinity of elemantary rudimentary survival or failure.....my fave line about law is a law is only a law until it its tested....

fog is a veil...cloud for aircraft and ships...the rocks..tree tops..wires are everywhere.....adaptablility was everything but formulaes for movement.to thinly disguise were great..........awareness.....like the keys to every door....but what room does one wish to enter or avoid.....varaibles and parameters and patterns...

its great....dialogue is fantastic in writing..in poetry.....i like the narrative style which is the old rhymne scheme...and the voice over of modern movies..i also watched a lot of voice description broadcasts which i thought very amusing until i thought about being blind or raised without vision....
wit is important.....which is humor with intelligence....
the greater the durability of it to move from short term to long term memory is like the durability and value of a poem...
how to be visible and invisible

ive gone on enough....i enjoy the repoire
thank you
Gee!

Ol' killer's becoming a bit more introspective lol. I enjoyed the poem and have some alternatives that might help scansion a bit :
S-1, L-3 try adding another beat; something like a shadow born with sharp awareness or some such
S-2,L-4 try meat cooked in a simmering pot
S-6,L-3 try Becoming more than just a thief
I know somebody like me has little business in suggesting stuff to help rhythm because mine is so often off. And the alternatives aren't meant to be used exactly, just as pointers to possibilities. I liked this poem a loy and thanks for posting it.........stan

that you enjoyed this one! I did implement a couple of new things and they were from your suggestions. I will revisit this one a couple of more times to kinda tweak it. Thanks for the read and crits. ~ Gee

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author comment

I am speechless there is a quality to this poem that shimmers and shines and even with the content its, well its just beautiful, one of the best poems I think I have read from you...and you have written some crackers, this ones up there hun.

Bravo...!!!

love and higgliest bugs Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

that killer can sustain the momentum that he has gotten. Thanks for all the praise. I've tried to show some of the mind of Killer and I hope that everyone will see that there is more to killer than just the violence. The next one is dedicated to all of you Killer fans! Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee

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author comment

Clever poem, excellently crafted in your own style. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Long-time, no see! Glad you like this one. Just trying to get in the mood for summer.
You know, barbecues and parties. Thanks for stopping by! ~ Gee and Killer

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on the underlying character enough yet to get anything out of this. I might just dig about to see some of the other writes of the series. Perhaps someone could link some of the previous related poems.

I ink,
David

anything of mine that looks like it might be violent!
Try these for a start:
Dave's Not Here
Parents Without Children
Scottish Beans
Falls, The Silent Killer
Killer's Roadside Picnic
Cajun Killer Cooking

Thanks for taking such an interest in Killer. ~ Geezer

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