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She didn't own a gun;
had never even pulled a trigger,
but this would be of little consequence
given the short range from the target.

A pattern sprayed across the wall
from the brush of a painter
gone lazy with achievement

casting the silhouette of a ghost
onto the hurried concrete

to be outlined with chalk

starting a game of hopscotch.
Passers-by tossing bits of skull
with fragments of hair
and brains still attached;

skipping and hopping with a skill
that says

we've done this before.

Editing stage: 


however I think they'd be stronger as metaphors.

for example:

"A pattern sprayed across the wall
from the invisible brush of a painter
gone lazy with achievement."


"to be outlined with chalk

a game of hopscotch."

....however that is just my opinion - that similes are often weak imitations of metaphors, that a metaphor extends it's meaning further into the image than a simile can.

I really enjoyed reading this however, and I'm only being as critical with your poems as I would with my own. you talk about a situation which very easily could have come across very cliche, yet you manage to explore the fragility of the situation. good on you : ) keep at it!

Thanks for taking the time to stop by and review the poem. I have made edits accordingly.


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