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INDIVIDUALITY (Haiku for exploration of style shop) <kettle>

Each person you pass
is their own singular brew
in unique kettle

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

The haiku's syllable count format is 5-7-5..
I counted 6 on your first line. Apart from that, I see no need for change and I liked the message in this poem.

Alid

Nothing like showing my lack of ability to count lol. Try it now.........stan

author comment

you got it.

Alid

hold one hand open so as to not lose count again lol.........stan

author comment

6 on first count(need to lose one beat)
the rest follows through and makes sense
interesting use of words

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

brevity stumps me
in writing things like Haiku
back to school I go

author comment

I thought you'll need to change the whole first line and maybe part of the second to maintain the message you wanted in a 5/7/5 haiku though I've seen haiku of different syllable count and we are not restricted by one in the workshop, I think.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Since writing Haiku in English is almost impossible then the least I can do is follow the generally accepted syllable count. Edit now done.........stan

author comment

Not nature ... but haiku has opened a little and now is not always restricted to that...
I think this is very clever, and thought-provoking .... just what haiku is supposed to be, except it seems to be missing a good cutting line....
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Not Too bad for such a long winded guy who got Senryu mixed up with Haiku lol. Haste not only makes waste it also makes me stupid apparently .........stan

author comment
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