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Imperfection

it's like red stains on snow
the soft withered petal of a rose
how blissfully imperfect
like me.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I don't usually do a re-write of other people's poems, but this one is so short...

Imperfection

The red stains on snow,
the soft withered petal of a rose;
how blissfully imperfect
like me.

I just wanted to see it without "it's like" which is both too conversational for the elegance of this poem. I also think the "like" is implied within the rhetoric of the poem.
If this poem is in a form which counts syllables, I have a very personal opinion to share....who cares? who's counting? Perhaps the aspect of syllable count works in Japanese, but they do not use rhyme. It's a totally different linguistic approach to poetry. same in music and time signatures- a totally different orientation.I think the idea in English should be for writers to catch the essence of Haiku. And that i do believe this poem has done!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I have learnt alot

author comment

then only you can know
how to with the river of time here
with us flow
how do we know what with you alone goes '
read ten poems and comment on all
politely
then see how Nigeria becomes
a neopoets sea
no racialism please
we all are human
earthian

short and simple

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