Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I'm sad

The dawn comes, another one goes
yet darkness grows.
No sun to rise
into my eyes.

Your absence dims the lofty sky;
its blue turns shy,
then muses fade
into the shade.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

There are many types of plow including one specifically named a turning plow. But in my exprience "plow" doesn't bring turning immediately to mind. Also in line 2 either darkness grows or darknesses grow. Hmmm....maybe wilts would work instead of plows. But that's up to you to find the perfect word lol. The rest of your poem does well in conveying wistful longing...............stan

and many thanks for your invaluable notes.I'm grateful.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

It's interesting. I feel exactly as you describe in this poem. The absence of a very close friend has inspired most of my recent poetry.

I hope you feel better soon..

"The world is always changing
that is what the hopeful say;
for both of us must surely know
the wind of life blows to and fro
so nothing stays the same."

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

for your wishes. I am happy you could relate as well.
Thanks for coming and commenting. Highly appreciated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Interesting message, refreshing word usage, and the poems own terseness all combine to make this a very tight little piece of poetry!

Always great to hear from you and really happy you find in this something worthy to read. Thanks for visiting.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

can be so very effective
"its blue turns shy,"
is a tiny poetic masterpiece.
Love the poem, it also strikes me in a deep place.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Always appreciate your encouraging words.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Very good piece but could become unhappy with the sadness, but I have made another sunrise, one that is in my heart that can only shine in glorious splendour for us all.
Even though we fade and die, if we have sun in our hearts,
all things will still be bright,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Seems that sadness has become part of our life....unfortunately. we need to learn to cope up with all these circumistances.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

"its blue turns shy"

like a conversation pained
the lost words metaphors
in a struggle of expression
reaching or not....

found cared for or lost

that line above makes this poem
stunning

like a word spell to awaken
those reading
those intended
and the writer

powerful and very vivid

thank you Rula!

(this is a soft line intense that I needed in my own journey today...the blue is powerful..
immense and overwhelming..sky feeling...emptiness..fullness...and the shy.....the key
to understanding.....a gentleness....a slowed peice to stop the trembling and unlock
the wonder past the fear.....)

I'm always sorry because I could never fully comprehend your comments, but you know what? I always feel happy to know that my writing impresses you in a way or another.
Thank you so much for dropping by.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

A strong piece as always. However, I found a slight problem with logic in the first stanza. Another one goes, yet darkness grows?

No one else has mentioned it so it is most likely me not totally getting it.

Scott

Scott

I know dawn has always a positive meaning, but you know that time when the sun isn't fully rising which is explained the next line. Don't know if this makes any sense ?
Always great to hear from you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

This struck me straight to the heart--I AM IN TOTAL AGREEMENT WITH WILLIAM. Brava! Bravissima, Rula, for sharing this little "jewel"

Joe

It really pleases me to know that my words hit a chord there. Really appreciate your nice comment.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

This is a gem.Lovely, Rula. Keep up the good work. You have never failed to amaze me with your style......

Alid

another good one. you know its good when I came back for another visit.

Alid

so kind of you to visit me twice on the same page.
It definitely means a lot.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

"when muses fade
into this shade"

this shade....that shade...these shades...a shade..

"with muses fading
into its shading"

nuances...I just offer my way to read your poem
in my head......as it stands Its still a magnificent poem...

thank U!

I had never chanced upon this piece before. I find it crisp and emotive of the mood.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.