Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I"LL NEVER BE A SONNETEER (Nov. Contest)

I'll try to write a sonnet now
but I know I will not succeed
it will stumble like some drunk cow.
Writing sonnets make my brain bleed.

Maybe I'll write about true love
and how rare finding it can be,
a free gift sent from up above,
how it grows strong as an oak tree.

Or how the sun shines off her hair
on the porch on a clear spring day
as she sleeps in her rocking chair
and warm wind makes the poplars sway.

Maybe with a smidgeon of luck?..............
No, at writing sonnets I suck.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I literally have never seen octometer in a sonnet before. I liked the blend of funny and serious. There was good imagery with the wife - one could easily see her dozing peacefully in her chair. I tripped a little on "make my brain..." Maybe consider makes? It's the same number of syllables, but it evens the flow a little.

Welcome to Neopoet. If you have troubles navigating site just ask me or almost any member. You are astute in the make vs. makes thing. I actually wrote it the other way to begin then changed it lol. I'm always going back editing even some of my scribbles that are years old. so be assured when I edit this I'll keep your idea in mind. Appreciate your time to visit.......stan

author comment

1. Line 1: "will not" would scan better as "won't"
2. Line 3: the adjective is "drunken", not drunk which is the past participle of the verb

I enjoyed the self-criticism in line 14.

Edna
Poetess to the Stars

is why I'll never be a sonneteer. When I try to write one of the cussed things it becomes quickly obvious that I was counting syllables

author comment

Syllables count, but so do metrical feet. I have posted a so called sexy sonnet here already - and I look forward to any justified and suitably harsh criticism as it's well worthy of that!

Edna
Poetess to the Stars

so lacking I doubt any of my comments on a sonnet will be of any real help

author comment

You could have a laugh, though.

Edna
Poetess to the Stars

Congratulations on writing a good sonnet. I know this is to some extent comes out from your comfort zone.
I know rhymes were never your problem, using tetameter instead of pentameter all through wasn't a bad idea as a beginning, Many poets find it easier to express themselves by using it.
There are some lines where I stumbled too especially in stanza three, but I know you'll come back for a smoother flowing.
Thumbs up!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.