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If Clothes Could Speak (Edited)
i.
If clothes could talk to the dressing on our wounds...
Weird Jess said when freedom is an outlawed aphorism then only
the outlaw is free in a dog eat dog world. I'd rather not be a dog,
I think Dingo Dog agrees. Aphorisms, however, are inconsolable if
their property rights are stolen and there is no gift left to give
when opening the eternal present and the moon is left behind.
ii. If wounds could speak...
Caught. Like fireflies in a glass jar, poets blink on and off, some
glow in unison marking a trail of blood to books that never fly like
blackbirds into the sky.
~~~~~~~
Last few words:
Weirdelf, this poem is my way of saying thank you.
http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/Poets/R/Ryokan/thiefleftit/index.html
The thief left it behind
by Ryokan
English version by Stephen Mitchell
Original Language Japanese
The thief left it behind:
the moon
at my window.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
chevyvent
Thu, 2018-05-17 14:59
A great piece of writing
Haha! Gotta laugh at the quite brilliance of your writing! You are simply sheer class, there is no two ways about it! It is apparent that you have a natural ability to lure a reader in from the first line, and I think this is some of the finest work I've read on here for some time. You are quite something!
I have also passed this classic along, although on another site.I think it a great example of free verse making good use of poetic devices
Mario Vitale
Kailashana2
Fri, 2018-05-18 06:43
Please pass along the edited
Please pass along the edited version, Mario.
Thanks to a workshop, it's been improved, I think. I knew it just wasn't quite what it could be, and I give thanks to a friend who offered her critique,
Sometimes poets know in their hearts... only when it's vocalized by another, does a good edit come to fruition.
gregwa8
Fri, 2018-05-18 02:37
"like fireflies in a glass
"like fireflies in a glass jar, poets blink on and off." nice. an interesting meditation on aphorisms
Kailashana2
Fri, 2018-05-18 06:44
Yup, Greg, poets (like
Yup, Greg, poets (like fireflies) punch holes in the darkness.
raj
Fri, 2018-05-18 16:03
Anna
a good example of poetic communication.
..................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Kailashana2
Fri, 2018-05-18 16:55
And the nature of editing.
And the nature of editing.
:-)