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I Used To Eat it Right Off the Bone

I used to eat it
right off the bone,
the fat of life,
the unknown gluttony,
arrogance,
and my own stupidity.
"If I knew then,"
all my elders would say.

I suppose this is the last vestige
of my depression,
the last outlet as I look back
on all my foibles and fuck ups,
and the paths I chose
that put me where I'm at.

And I'm preached,
and told
"patience."
Indeed!
How I preached that thing myself,
and how I look at the long slog
both before and behind me,
and the alleged talent I supposedly have,
and the hard work that amounts to absolutely nothing.

Walking up Rocky River Drive in February,
a couple miles from Lake Erie
I question myself,
all my old philosophies,
and the fact I considered myself a hero, pastor, writer,
anything seems...
irrelevant.
These days it's all about just surviving from day to day,
one missed paycheck away from living under a bridge,
or God forbid,
on a friend's couch at 41.

I used to eat the meat,
directly off the bone,
and if I had known how things would have gone
I would have never left the Grovewood,
or maybe even Boston.

Style / type: 
Free verse
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Comments

cobain...brilliant man...troubled..died thus..but his brilliance was sound
chili peppers members wrote decent songs too...but the raw vitrol vitality
comes but once a decade or more.

I eat the meat from the bone..gnaw on the bone too...gristle is good for the
system....I burn so much off in restless energy....runner...driver..worker..
keeping the women happy...saving my chums from this and that........
seeking the new faces....upkeep at work...the city...my little hoods where
I live....I would do this if i were only five foot one..and white.black..chinese
but Im six one...with grey changing eyes...green tinge..turqoise...
ojibway rounded face...I consumed time and attention...and I gave it back
pouring much into small works...like a movie...that one ten minute moment
for a weeks worth of set up...I am still like that...
we all happy...good...hours of work...then I can get on with what I want to
do.....im glad..i could have been the male expecting females and friends
to cow tow...get me a beer...go get food from the food bank...see the little
women hauling the buggies...but the men have cash candy and power
till they are off to jail or find someone more willing to give them more..
saw a lot of those guys go down too..sat with many in their old age dying
completely alone and afraid....shot lungs..cancer...wasnt scary to me those
guys....if there is a heaven and a man with a clipboard....they know whats
on that list....stupid to go through life without knowing...denying cannot remove
actions....why i throw effort into the good while I am here...I had the potential
and offers to be a lot lot more....
looking back at this old age....tons I should have changed at the time..
threw away a lot of very nice friends and very beautiful talented women
to slough in the trough...
so what...now Im changing....and open enough flexible enough that the range
of age is vast...not just set to those that shrug their shoulders willing to take
me on because they are lonely and afraid of age...i am still capable and fierce
enough and tender enough to be viable to the younger....
and they I like because they are not locked into the gossip world so at least U
have others at the expense of being told what to do....
I take advice...and I can bust my nut and work my hump ..moved people.painted
their rooms...cleaned their neglect..hauled mission paperwork..management runs
just business..no hard feelings....people that care care...haters...in the end get
a crowd ready to gather sticks.....the good outweight the negative...
leading is a tough job...not for the affable...i have humor...i am not
affable
I left many things...and I did it to clear the air..battles only create war torn things
the victors celabrated...till their greed burned out their resources....till they torched
their bridges..I never did that...stradegy....alone or with homies..easier to use the
bridge...those that threw me under the bus come to me now...
most have still something to trade in the form of intel or interest...they are not stupid
or i would not have ventured the time then..
regrets ive had a few...i did it my way..
shut up and sing frank...
he was talented that man
but he knew his place

as I do....
as my history tells me
in looking back

i waste not much time today
mulling over the ruin...
but stripping it for its use
in the re inventions for motivation
and go forward
like I did then...
as broken as I still am
they loved the moves I could do
staying long long when most would
have fled that circus...
entertainment and belonging to such
acts is rare...experience I needed
its not going to happen
without some kind of giving of this
and enabling action
and examining the consequences
by just jumping over the wall
pulling in the traces when the
time is now...
tommorrow will never be the day
by then ready is already too late
way I lived anyway
i would have missed out on a lot
of very very dynamic people
some who did not have the time
of existance to live like I have
been fortunate enough to have

I like that U ponder such heavy
things though
many literally stick their fingers
in their ears and go LA LA LA

I greatly admire the fortitude of
your writing
thank U Connect11

Mr Wolf!

I wish I had given back a tenth of what you gave me.

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