Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I must be mad

City shaking; I must be mad
seeing ghosts in halls
of people I could've been
scattered like raindrops
across my bitter face.

I'm trapped beneath stages
of ballerinas
is it their movements
dripping from toe to toe
that are lulling me to sleep,
or is it their tune?

Either way I don't mind.

Watching as the wind falls gently into a barn
then lulls itself to sleep on the hay.

It's going to be ok, I say to myself.

It's going to be ok.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

beware of mixing metaphors.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

your metaphors are wonderful
use spermodicae and vanilla
both are rich in metaphor
the former coined by me
just vanilla also see
great poetry
where have you been
under ghostly dream

another friendly Aussie
comes to me

its daring in world gone awry
the less restraints are a refreshment
the whole ballerina and barn rain
lines fantastic
and how its run together short
and sweet work

amazing

splendid man
I dug this greatly!

thank U!

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.