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I Might Demolish Every Whisper Ever Rumoured

Cinderella would dance like a vagrant

around the circled combustion of a
dangling verb, left like sausage
drying in the sun.
I might notice.
I might not.
I might even slip a tongue
over the flip-flop
tabernacle of sham.
"Fuddle-duddle" the legend intoned,
a very many years ago.
With lambent tenacity
the bored princess will
flick a wrist and suppress a yawn.
One and one is two, but two and two
becomes a matter of judgement.
I might care.
I might not.
I might even use a chorus
of disembodied arrogance.
Leasing the flagrant dimness
until it gleams like
an undressed whore in the snow.
Shoulders back, arms wide,
marching parasites collect like
rabbits getting skinned.
I might attend.
I might not.
I might demolish every 
whisper ever rumoured.
 
Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

I really like the way you brought the title in at the very end of the poem. I also like the parallelism you use for the lines like "I might notice. I might not.", I might care. I might not", and so on. If I could make a suggestion, I think the first line would be better without the stanza break after it. Separating it from the rest makes it disjointed for me.

There is a lot of this poem that I don't understand, but I think that was the point. I would be interested to know what your inspiration or intention was for this write.

Thanks and I hope you don't mind my suggestions.

Critique, don't comment.
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www.lettereddandy.xyz

This shows that you have a good vocabulary yet quite what your trying to say is another matter, Typical of beginners who begin to write poetry and I am assuming this with you - combined words and the sonic they create are a fascination that they have discovered quite naturally yet the skills to write them in a significant, poetic manner are following a little behind, a bit like a little sister who wants to play but isn't allowed to by the elder sibling who is running ahead of her. I think that practice and feedback will give you a solid beginning but for the moment write just like this because this is honest, this is the bell ringing, this is pure unadulterated hope, the cry of a new born and as such my comments a mere smack to the bottom of a new born poet. Your cry may not be your first but my advice is be patient, allow yourself mistakes, read some poetry, research what "poetic" are, make yourself familiar with all the tricks open to us when we speak that allow our writing to weave pictures, similes, metaphors , to link thoughts and images together to create a statement of intent that is more than just a banal, everyday blandness but a colorful and hopefully original statement capable of lifting our hearts and intellect like the hands of the giants that Swift invented in Gulliver , or Milton in paradise Lost.
I like your vocabulary but my closing advice is to recognize cliche which is probably the first of all the pitfalls you will encounter. Cliche and overwriting - seek brevity like a miner seeks a diamond amid all the waste he or she unearths from her mind but do not be afraid to accept the odd garnet or two as compensation.
Jimm

However I've learned to watch out for Pringle. I kind of hope he meant well... but, need I say more?

You can always trust swamp-witch, one of the best informed, honest, talented and... ok, you get that picture too.

Nothing terribly startling about a new view on the old stories yet you carry it off with panache.

Although I always try to give some sort of concrete suggestion in critique I find myself floundering here. May I just give you my reading? Hearing it through someone else's ears always gives me a new perspective.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1Fc2kvlXyiN

Adore the title, it could even perhaps become part of a theme or series.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

It is a unique write in free verse and I would agree with swamp witch on most points,,,

it sustained my interest to the extent I read it more than once...

raj (sublime_ocean)

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