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I Am Still

I took the sweep of the weeping willow
To scatter your memory, as gently as I could
I failed, there was a sound from my soul,
that told the willow fronds not to brush so

I cried a storm, to wash away the tears of yesterday
Yet your Spirit built a sublime river with it.
Teach me to remember with grace your ways.
Whisper in my mind that you are there for always.

I will stand still on the mountains top,
There I will gaze at all before me, to drift my soul
The clouds swirl with soft embraces to quell my fears
The moisture clings to my life just so, I can't let go.

I have dreamed for a while now my sweet
Tell me softly, the reality as your memory drifts by.
Pure thoughts echo through all I am,
That my love for all these years, is yours and mine..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Let me rest where memories take my thoughts to where my body would wish to go, Ian.T
Editing stage: 

Comments

I like this style much!
wistful and yet somber and serious
with the poetic flow to make it
a very good read!!

Thank You!

Thank you very much for your visit, and welcome comment.
This is the style I am more comfortable writing, but sometimes it comes over a little sad, but that's another story, origins of which are in Canada.
This time of the year my thoughts go out to a long time ago when I spent some time there.
You take care out there it is a lovely country, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

A beautiful poem wistfully sad in a sense but on the other hand your memory carves into the soul and speaks such lovely thoughts

Well done

Love always Jc xxx j

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

The two people that commented on this piece, well what more does one want..
Lovely to see you here again, I hope that all is well with you,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

bard me
pardon me
must be good
if two have understood

loved

Lovely to have you drop in it is welcome, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

We're you happy with tempo?

I took the sweep of the weeping willow
To scatter your memory, as gently as I could
I failed, there was a sound from my soul
that told the willow fronds not to brush so

Is this not as expressive?

This was written and then streamed within 30 minutes so it was raw.
I have tended to the write and altered a few words and lines, now as I have always said to alter but one word is to write a new poem.
Thank you for your input it was used as a tool to try and improve this one,
so we will see if there is more I can do.
I wonder where perfection is ??? lol
Thanks for your help, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

A small suggestion
stanza 2 line two replace beautiful with sublime. Beautiful is a truly horrible word in poetry.

This poem touched me and is one of your best.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Thanks, replacements for beautiful I have trouble with but have edited with sublime, I shall take care in future.
This is where critique come into its own, the improvement of poetry is its goal, thank you again,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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