Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

How Strange

I’ve said I love you,
often,
said I love you madly
I love you to bits
love you so much
dearly.

I’ve said I love you sister, Mum or Dad
to family.

I’ve said I love you mate, brother or sister
to friends.

I’ve said I like you,
I’m fond of you,
want you,
want to hold you, touch you, kiss you,
make love with you,
fuck you like an animal.

I’ve said it honestly, lying,
with agenda and without,
spontaneous and premeditated,
to individuals, groups and crowds

but I’ve never said to anyone,
ever;
I need you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I don't know if or how to incorporate this into the poem, I hate reflexive poetry, but the one untruth in this is in not saying that I need you at Neopoet. This community has literally kept me alive at times over the last decade.
Editing stage: 

Comments

There are indeed those who use these powerful words as a means to an end. And you have done pretty well showing this (well,pretty well for a free verse lol). Now my one complaint is your use of "fuck" in this particular poem. We are supposed to be men of words and this particular word doesn't have a place in this poem. Your using it so lightly will eventually decrease its impact. Yeah, i know what you are going to say "fuck you". but give this comment some real thought and you will likely see another word would fit this poem better. Now......to the shelter lol

There does need to be a word for sex. There are many words in between 'make love' and 'fuck'.
Lay, screw, shag, bang, bonk, do, get it on, hump, score, sleep with, copulate, fornicate, know, mate, procreate, schtup, , bed, breed, cohabit, conjugate, couple, fornicate, lay, mate, unite, be carnal, do it, fool around, go all the way, go to bed, have coition, have relations, have sex, lie with, make it, make love, make out, sleep together, sleep with etc etc.

The poem demands at least one and now you got me thinking it should be two. 'make love' should be there but also something crude, in which case really anything less than 'fuck' just won't do. So I'm adding 'make love'.

Did you notice my 'last few words' comment?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

But I'm not vain enough to assume they are direct to me. Neopoet and writing poetry have helped me over some bumps over the years too. It's good to be able to escape the stresses of the real world occasionally

way too much.
You're part of this community aren't you? You've refrained from hiring an assassin to take me out... um... haven't you?
You've given, to me and others, above and beyond the call of duty my friend and I thank you.

Make no protest to this compliment, just take it on the chin, or I'll seriously consider hiring an assassin myself.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

good description lmao. You could use the word "fornicate" and have the same impact without being profane....just something to consider

You are just plain wrong to suggest that 'fornicate' would have the same impact as 'fuck you like an animal'.

Out of respect for the sensibilities of others I do try to moderate my use of profanity in comments but no one can tell me to censor my use of language in my poetry.

Go on, reply to this. Your worst fault is always trying to have the last word, Stan. That is how so many of our arguments in threads get so out of hand. Have a bit of humility (the real kind, not your usual false modesty) and let me have the last word on this, my poem, my thread.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

I suspect you wrote that comment before I replied to Stan and made a revision.

Did you notice my 'last few words'?
"I don't know if or how to incorporate this into the poem, I hate reflexive poetry, but the one untruth in this poem is that I need you at Neopoet. This community has literally kept me alive at times over the last decade."

Have you given any thought to a reading you would like from me? Or a video, despite that horrid one you saw I do have some skills in that direction.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

has the simplicity of Robert Creeley, if you know him. Well developed. I have no problem at all with fuck as it is in the spirit of "like an animal" which makes it even more primal, which is part of what a relationship is. I would however put a semi colon after "ever" to more separate the final line, the raison d'etre of the poem.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I've put in that semicolon and wonder if it could be even stronger with a colon/dash or even quote marks

but I’ve never said to anyone,
ever:-
'I need you.'

Woddayareckon?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

A well written piece that made a lot of sense, there you go telling all about the things you will do, then at the end you say "I’ve never said to anyone, ever, I need you.
Bollocks, you can say this for ever, but this is just a need, you know we love you and you do need that..
Yours as always my Brother,
Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

I've had moments of loneliness and neediness and I need people and community, I'm not a total sociopath but I've never felt for another individual that I truly need them, irreplaceably.
As a rather uncouth mate of mine was fond of saying "never chase after a woman or a bus, there'll always be another one along in a minute".

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

That you have never said that you need someone, is one of your ways of protecting yourself, it would leave you wide open, and I have always known that you would never do that..
Being alone becomes a habit, then a necessity, then part of you always.
There is one thing that will cut through all of that and that is as i when you might meet someone that just joins your inner self.
It can happen no matter what you have always felt, then again that someone may never cross your path.
Always remember that a Nun will walk on the side of a passage way never in the middle, and I think you know why..
Take care young Jess, and know that we are here to walk with you as always,
Your Bru, Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

for me either dash or semicolon does the trick. As for quotes...I lean towards not because then the whole poem could be written in quotes.
There is such a difference between love and need. Love you give and get. Need you get, only.
It asks for sacrifice from another to fill that need, someone giving you love unconditionally, which you have never asked for. Love is somewhat easy to say to people, either telling the truth or not as you say, but saying you need somebody ..another thing totally.
So I'm wondering if the poem might use a different title that has something to do with that. Because need requires a total breakdown of pride, to reach out and admit you really need somebody...
remind me a little of the great play by Dumas, the Lady of the Camellias who loved everybody around her, with that great line "I'm traveling light tonight...no heart" to avoid it from being broken.
So I might call the poem,,,Traveling Light.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I was going to ask you about the title. I don't want to make it too purely personal in order to invite any sense of identification my readers might feel with it. It is not an identification anyone would make readily, it is not a pretty picture. In fact I'm feeling kind of exposed and vulnerable about it.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

I think the repetition/parallelism of the lines would suit a western/structured form well. I know there are villanelles, sestinas, pantoums, and triolets, but I'm not sure if repeating the same lines over again in any of these exact forms would suit the message. Maybe your own form would work?

Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment.

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

As hard as it is for most people to say they love someone, its often harder to say that we need them or need things in general. It's an admission of vulnerability/humanity that people don't want to make.

Important words here, Jess. Extremely Important.

Kels

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment.

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

I wonder if grief heightens ones senses and sensibilities. As I was thinking about the title and it's effect Mark brought it up.

I have also been seriously thinking about re-writing in a structured form or re-working other prosodic qualities, but for a pretty fucked up reason. I want to distance myself from it a bit by throwing the emphasis more onto the prosody. It's not that simple. I want to distance myself in order to give my reader more access to relate to it, but also because I'm feeling... well, you said it, it is hard to admit the vulnerability of need and this poem is saying pretty simply and directly that I've failed to do that.

The other thing to be wary of at the moment is the 'tooth-ache syndrome'. When you have a tooth-ache the pain is such a constant you forget why you are feeling cranky and miserable. I loved Steven a lot and think I am feeling everything else a lot as part of that.

I don't know.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

I like this.
--------------------------------------

"Poetry is music for the human voice. Until you actually speak it or someone speaks it, it has not come into it's own."
- Maya Angelou

You could use a morphing poem where you begin with structure western for the sentimental word usage then slowly shift to blunt free verse for the baser feelings or vice versa. See I DID read the AN lol

I will give it some thought.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

One of those poem, when I read I know the author is a poet. :)

IRiz

That could be a crit, perhaps I am 'foregrounding the apparatus'?

How's your holiday? So jealous, haven't skied in years.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

author comment

Nonono not critique,
I sincerely love it.
In fact I can relate to the idea on many levels.
I like the way it presented. Your voice goes over all the distractions of the road, bumpy ride, music, voices, views.
Last day tomorrow. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed - my usual condition on the holiday.
Ajusting to skiing a deep powder went well if do not count for one first fall head over heels - the biggest in my life. Soft snow saved the day.
I also climb one day.
I read the comments you wrote on the workshop.
Your style made me chuckle quite a few times.
Lol. Best wishes, I

IRiz

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.