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How lovely She Awaits - 3 Haiku suite

Submitted by brittle light on Thu, 2010-12-02 03:46

.
'sweet dreams', she purrs
I roll over and tremble
thoughts of losing her

.
even in unveiled sadness
her beauty incites tears
I cry twice

.
bearing now this
loneliness 10,000 days
an old man in love

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2010-12-02 12:50

Geezer's picture
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Very good. I was just a little disappointed in the last one, because the first two lines, seemed as though they could not exist without each other. Just my opinion, ~ Gee

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Kailashana2

Thu, 2010-12-02 14:36

Very nicely woven, isn't it strange how a succession of work actually belongs together? I love when that happens.

~A

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