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Hidden Love

Submitted by Ian.T on Mon, 2012-10-08 12:12

No1

I love you I am to your spirit drawn
You see, I cannot help it my dear
It is because you are there somewhere
I love you I am to your spirit drawn
Can you out there not understand
It is because I do
I love you I am to your spirit drawn
You see, I cannot help it my dear

No2
I love you, I am to your spirit drawn
You see, I cannot help it my dear
It is because you are out there.
I love you, I am to your spirit drawn
Can you out there understand me
It is because, I really love you
I love you, I am to your spirit drawn
You see, I cannot help it my dear

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
It is supposed to be a triolet or something I am trying, I think I like this what ever it is.. In No2 I have tidied it a little with more thought to those tetra or penta things, You will just have to help me with this type of write.. I am not really into this correct form pieces, but it does take a lot of thinking about, Maybe some help and explaination would help not only me, Yours Ian.T
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Rula

Mon, 2012-10-08 14:45

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Except that it should be iambic tetrameter. I have cheated the form from our dear Wesley.
He wrote one earlier and i just liked to give it a shot

here is Wesley's if you like to have a look
http://www.neopoet.com/node/triolet

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Ian.T

Mon, 2012-10-08 18:12

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Thanks for reading and letting me know I did say I was not sure of the correct form but I liked it anyway, I will see if I can sort it out, I wish I had done poetry when at school lol.
Take care and thanks again, Yours as always, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

scribbler

Mon, 2012-10-08 15:48

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Guess I need to look up the form before saying anything other than that I like the repeated line although I usually don't.............stan

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-10-08 18:09

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It ain't right but I had a go and now I have to edit it till it conforms.. Damn these poetic forms, I was only playing lol.
Thanks for your read and comment, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2012-10-09 06:33

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I too like the repeated lines. It made me think of a person that is trying to express themselves, but not quite knowing how. Almost robotic. [Not that you are a robot]. ~ Gee

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Ian.T

Wed, 2012-10-10 17:17

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Thank you very much, I was trying to write a Triolet but it maybe several things off of one but I liked it as it was so just extended a couple of lines to balance the whole thing and added as a second attempt.
Thanks again for your welcome visit, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment
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