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Heroine

nothing is clear
everything is hidden
why am i hear
why is this forbidden

my mouth is dry
and mind is moving
my thoughts reach the sky
my feelings pass me by

the warm liquid runs up my vein
the needle releases heaven into my body
my chest feels no pain
and my being is no longer groggy

my head will fall to the pillow
my body will sink
i'm a widow
free from what others think

the nectar reaches my every pore
my eyes roll into my head
my soul is no longer sore
and i can die in bed

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

This poem is very powerful.
Title: Absolutely perfect, though that does depend on style too. A longer title might say more, but with the way your entire poem is already so concise in every line, the single-word title works beautifully (and tragically)
Language use: it's very good! A few half-formed thoughts here and there, but nothing that does not fall well under poetic license. ;) A misspell: 'Why am I hear' should be 'Why am I here'. And then your whole poem could benefit greatly from punctuation. (also capitalizing such words as "I'm" and "I")
Rhythm: Very good in most places, though the line "My feelings pass me by" is just one beat too long. Maybe shorten it to "My feelings pass by"? Also the line "Free from what others think" feels off somehow. Like it's just too long or just too short - it doesn't feel like it belongs with the rest of the poem.
Theme: To me in particular? Not really. Just the last stanza.
Logic: Absolutely, save for the two lines "I'm a wiidow/free from what others think" which seem a little disconnected.
And then I would just like to reiterate how much I enjoyed this, not to mention how the last stanza keeps echoing in my mind. I think your first and final stanzas are the best, but the final is ultimately excellent above all the rest.

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

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