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From Her Scrapbook

Submitted by raj on Wed, 2018-11-14 14:09

Tiny hands found a place, for a leaf beside her feet,
there it stayed, pretty safe, where no one but she knew.

Those tiny hands grew large and large, but kept returning to the page,
it made her smile, to see it there, beaming at her face.

What was said in silent words, no one but they knew,
for being there is all that mattered, without being said.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Race_9togo

Wed, 2018-11-14 15:02

Race_9togo's picture
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It's been a while since I read any of your work.
I'm going to have to do some catching up, because this is a little jewel, my friend.
Like the title.
LOVE the theme!

The words:
in line 2, 'where no one but she knew'...maybe 'where no one knew but her"...perhaps?

consider 'returning' instead of 'coming back' in line 3. Would it flow better?

Man, this is good. So brief, so intimate, and so very vivid, a real tiny slice of a person's inner self.
Beautiful man, well done.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

raj

Thu, 2018-11-15 03:56

for taking time to read and for your comments and suggestions. Good to know you liked this. Shall look into your suggestions...

thanks for stopping by..

PS: Made the changes suggested by you
.........................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

scribbler

Wed, 2018-11-14 18:07

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Too few people realize the importance of just Being there...........stan

raj

Thu, 2018-11-15 03:59

thanks for your visit and comment...you are right about importance of being there...reminds me of the poem you wrote soon after surgery in which you had said the first thing you looked for after regaining consciousness was to see Susan who was there...
.........................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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