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Her
Her eyes sparkle in the moonlight.
Her hair flows like a crystal stream.
And every time I see her face
Her smile radiates joy as it beams.
Her personality is unwavering.
Her friendship knows no ends.
Sometimes when we have a fight
she tries really hard to make amends.
Ever since I met her
my life has changed a lot.
Her kindness shows a kind of person,
the kindness I had always sought.
She's the one true friend I have.
Perhaps the only one at all.
Sometimes when I'm alone
I'll sing to the wind a call.
A call for her smile.
A call for her long, brown hair.
A call for her kindness.
That replaces what made our Earth bare.
For when Mother sees her radiant eyes.
Her smile broadly drawn.
She breathes a great large sigh.
And then starts a new dawn.
Her happiness begins a new day.
Her presence everyone loves.
It's just that sometimes I feel alone.
My happiness Sorrow shoves.
But when she shows her kindly face.
Everything seems so great.
Every time I see her eyes,
she looks like a radiant oblate.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-04-28 03:28
Wot a lot of gobshite!
You true love who you want to meat your Mum. Big fucking deal!
Millions of love songs have been written and this brilliantly captures the cliches of most of them.
I've read some of your other work and know you do much better
cheers,
Jess
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Ian.T
Sat, 2012-04-28 04:11
Piano Boy
I will paste two poems here the first one is from a young girl of around 9 and the second one was written by me at about 60 years old and something to do with the Queen Mother but with a reflection of mine in there, I prefer the child's poem as it has something I had lost in my words:-
My Mother
A blast of fresh air greets with a smile
A hug full of love that lingers awhile
A hundred new feelings to deal with as she
Learns to be happy and joyful with me
Her eyes are so smiley and kindness her soul
She talks to her friend with words that are whole
She speaks through her lips with words from her heart
Mother and daughter, their love will not part
Pretty and young my mother will be
Always there if needed for me
My friend and my help, is all that I need
I have but to ask and there she will lead
As I gaze into her eyes, the love I can see
Shining down on all of us three
She's the one who guides me all the day through
From the start to the end she's there for you and me
Ruth Morrison
To My Mother
Oh Mother of mine of full faced grin
Of wide brimmed hats and many things
You have spent many hours inside our ways
A Mother to replace the ones gone before
Of people seen from everywhere
Who love you so without a care
We love your royal ways in time
Please accept that you are a Mother of mine
We come from places near or far to see
My Mothers arms so wide and free
In England where you belong
As the worlds Mother you are so strong
We thank you for being just so
Though one day we will have to let you go
When reaching the place of ones before
There will be no need to knock the door
Thousands of Angels will greet you there
Ian.T
Now you can see what Weirdelf (Jess )was talking about and he doesn't say it in kind words he say it as it is to him.
Your write was as mine, if only we could regain some of those child like words, Yours Ian.T
.
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So find more reasons to believe in others..