Teach me dearest lord to know your holy sacred way,
And to know the pain you suffered on that Easter day,
When you got hammered up on the cross in olde Israel
As your Poppa told you, to stop us all from going to Hell.

Jesus carried his own fatal cross on that black Friday
And he even stumbled on a sidewalk stone on the sacred way
But no cries of pain or resentment did that saviour blurt
He was saving them for later as he knew crucifixion would really hurt.

Jesus's nice body was nailed up and got rather badly bruised
And the Jews called him bad names and he was not amused
And they laughed at him and mocked him too an awful lot
Saying that he was no good and deserved all that he had got.

So please teach me O sweetest lord to comprehend
That your death was actually a fucking nice godsend
And that your ordeal on the hill of Israeli Calvary
Was not in vain as you died for us probab-ly.

When others laugh and say any Christian is a stupid twit
I say "I'm all right and they are the ones who are in the deepest shit -
they will all perish in flames and pain in darkest Hell";
And I shall laugh at their screams and will be saved as well.

Yes, this is the crazy prayer of a loony Christian soul
With all the intellect found up a baboon's arsehole
Who'd believe a god would send his only son to die?
And then drag his corpse up into the sky? Not I.