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haiku (spring contest)

old man's last hurrah
in yellow fields of laughter-
fresh tulip snow-cones!

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

me think of drinking dandelion wine from buttercups! Tulip snow-cones could be those frozen icy things you get from the ice cream man. Beautiful colors! ~ Geez.
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It is not. I can't think of a word to put in L3 without disturbing the flow. I thought about it for a while now.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

Dandelion wine...I had a friend when I was young whose father made different wines. He gave me a dusty bottle of that for a date I was going on. I think if he had known how nice it came out, he might have given me something else, (but then you could never tell with him) Thanks for waking that memory and thanks for reading.

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

most any one syllable color. Red, blue, white. [ Blue is the one I like. ]
~Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

me think a little broader. I think I'm happy with it now. Thanks Geezer

Thomas

....so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

I like it better than my suggestion! ~ Geez.
.

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

in the end we become poetry
Thanks,

THE MARK
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If you take the time to read a poem then take the time to let the author know you were there. Study it and form an opinion as well, even if it means going back to it more than once. That is basic critique, what Neopoet is all about.

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