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A grain of Sand

Submitted by Ian.T on Sun, 2014-08-31 05:05

Oh! grain of sand so fine scattered to the wind.
The camel didn't know of you as he set you free.
The warm air thermals took you over the sea to me
So tiny yet holding the universe in your body

I didn't feel you touch me so sorry I was unaware,
a speck of dust to me wasn’t really there, yet you lived!
I carried you for many days as part of me,
no wash, or shower took your form away you see.

The day did come though I am sorry to say,
I walked in the rain and it took you away.
To the streets I walked which I still love to this day,
I should have known you, but you didn't stay

Down into the earth the water took your form.
Taken up by a flower there you were reborn
Giving beauty to those creatures around,
from a grain of sand, heaven and then earthbound.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Written as an addition to a comment this morning, have a lovely day all..
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

alidzain

Sun, 2014-08-31 19:08

alidzain's picture

Interesting. lemme see if I get this piece right. Is the grain of sand a symbol to time or something which goes unnoticed until it is lost? By the way, I have posted "The Story of Grace" as a prequel addition to my hunter" series. It tells about Grace and her first meeting with Chaz who is at that time, a policeman. Need you to help me a bit with the checking.

Alid

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-09-01 04:02

Ian.T's picture
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This grain of sand was answer to a challenge I gave Leonard about writing poems on other subjects.
Though the sand from the Sahara where there is an old seabed is a very fine dust like sand, that gets swept up into the air each year and deposited on the Rain forest in South America, which gives the forest tons of fertilizer each year.
But it was just a challenge, I think I wrote it in less than 20 minutes, but have here changed the odd word.
I have read your piece about Grace but will read again I was short of time when I read it yesterday.
Take care will talk soon, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

author comment

alidzain

Mon, 2014-09-01 14:29

alidzain's picture

I've done the edit on Grace.Still need help with the tweaking, though.

Alid

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