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Ghost

Invisible to your eyes
transparent are the lies
that unseen lips whisper in the night,
as you lay fast asleep
fallen into dreams so deep, your lost soul cries
as it wanders through the empty rooms
searching for the love you lost,
but all you find are chambers dark
where ghostly lovers left their mark
white sheets lay crumpled on the floor
cobwebs hang across the door
and ravens cry out " Nevermore ",
as your heartbeat slows, then stops,
pale are the silent lips
that never will receive the kiss
to wake you from this loneliness
that has become your shroud.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello Lorien, I haven't read your poems before, have you been away? I see that you've been a member for about six years.
Your poem must be inspired by Edgar Alan Poe, a really good choice. The rhyming is irregular but gives your work musicality. I don't have any nits, but will return because it deserves several re-reads. The ending is perfect.
Best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

sounding. As though one woke suddenly and found that the lover had inexplicably gone. ~ Geez.
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Hello, Lorien,
When reading your poem, I felt as if I was traveling along with this ghost, visiting a home from the past once shared with a lover - both now gone and forever separated. Such a somber feeling.
Thank you,
Lavender

Ghost, i saw this as the writer is the ghost, invisible to your eyes, i see someone so deep in sadness or maybe lostness if i may use such a word, that they are lifeless, but thats just my thoughts, in any case its a fantastic write and brings me my own inspiration powerful imagery and makes my mind work overtime, but i dont mind because i love this write. i will be curious to your responce your ending is truly brilliant!

Thank you...Teddy

as are you, LL.

chambers dark
where ghostly lovers left their mark
white sheets lay crumpled on the floor
cobwebs hang across the door
and ravens cry out " Nevermore ",

Yummy.

Lorien,
I am lost as to the intention of the first few lines but from there I really really enjoyed your poem. The Raven allusion wasn't lost even on such an unread person as myself and I found it to successfully emphasize the mood. The same lines that jetz pointed out, beginning with "but all you find are chambers dark," I think are especially well put together! Really enjoyed!

raffy

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