Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.


the Discontent began -
surreptitious and slow,
stirring beneath a cauldron
of pained resentment
neither owned,
nor wished to know

Assiduously acknowledged as normal, "part of growth"
The blows became insidious
glancing past repose.
Striking at the very heart of her being
This man rescinding his gifts -
His love, His feelings.

They had started out as sentient beings
Strangers determined to form ties:
"friendship with meaning"
Somehow borders became osmotic, vision blurred
The voice of reason dimmed
The promises, no longer heard

So they returned to the point of departure
daring dreams were now sullied -
there'd be no "happy ever after".
The circle was drawn, the liaison complete
For in this realm of loss -
she no longer wished to compete.

BB 21 November '10

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 



"The blows became insidious
penetrating at most."

I stumbled on these lines, and I can't quite figure out why. Perhaps it is the "penetrating at most." verse that tripped me. Perhaps it is just I that misconstrued.

"Somehow borders became osmotic, vision blurred
The voice of reason dimmed
The promises, no longer heard"

Would that this were not so when two finally try to be one. "Borders" very well described as "osmotic". Sad tale, but true more and more often. Polarized feelings are fortunate to ever get together at all.

Enjoyed this one.


"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

Thanks so much for your constructive points! All duly noted and corrected! Victor Claude - even went back and reconstructed those lines - hope they "trip the light: fantastic!" now ;)


author comment

Such metaphorical poetry
initially I didn't know what a metaphor was for until i read you they metaphorical imagination surpasses the miniscule order of my intelligence so i pass by reading but leaving no comments except my love and sentiments as you do and di read my metaphorical poetry some day that's what your poetry teaches me today metapphorically i that do say

Such Metaphorical Poetry

Initially I didn't know,
What a metaphor was for,
Until I read you
Thy metaphorical imagination
Surpasses the miniscule
Order of my intelligence,
So I pass by reading
But leaving no comments,
Except my love and sentiments
As you do and did read
My metaphorical poetry
Some day
That’s what your poetry,
Teaches me
I that do say


You give so much of yourself in time and commentary! Thank you for this gift!


author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.