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Frozen

Limbs lie frozen
Moonlight twirls
Wind plays
Shallow symphonys
Calm night
Something new
Dark shadow
Presence strong
Flowing quietly
Hovers close
Reaches
Takes Arm
No longer
Afraid.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Trying something new probably doesn't go down too well but let me know what you think
Editing stage: 

Comments

Not as good as your Wild and Free, this to me seemed more of a list.
So what that means in my hash way, is, that there are a few words that join things or blend the togetherness.
Lists are OK but I just felt this needed more.
I can only see two of your pieces and you have been a member for years is there a problem that we can assist with???
Yours as always, Ian.T

EG:-
Limbs lie frozen
as moonlight twirls.
Wayward wind plays,
shallow symphony's.
Calm nights bring
something new.
Dark shadows,
with presence strong,
flowing quietly away.

This could be just me but it is more of a story this way, and has more feeling...

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

and limiting.
Listen, see what you think hearing it in another voice.
https://soundcloud.com/user536630132/frozen-by-riotface97

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

I tend to agree that the little tweaks provided by Ian give it a better flow. However, Ian forgot to add the closing line "no longer afraid" without which the story doesn't end well. That said I liked the essence of your poem...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

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