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Forgive me

I get lost in your eyes;
This describes idolatry.
Apologetically saying I'm in love
In hopes of monogamy.
Can you forgive me?

Following the strongest urge
Naturally; Rigidly
Putting essence in words
Empty; Simply
Can you forgive me?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

my muses stepped down
from my shrines
all of them save one
the adoration we give
mutual
a creative context
some feel the love of
drug
the drug of love
intense
no anti dote I always
say
a nice quick paced
poem put straight
out

thank U!

thank you. i am really greatful for your comment.

author comment

was 3 years and 3 months ago. Do you expect feedback from others? No-one gets paid here, it is an interactive community, emphasis on the word community.

I've got to admit, this is a fine poem. Strong use of caps, a rare feat.
It reminds me of the wonderful Umberto Eco's "'I love you madly', he said self-consciously".

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

i appreciate your time and comment, but that poem written about me feeling as though i'm not getting the credit i deserve was not meant to be taken personal. it was meant to be a release. a bold expression of my being fragile and discontent.

either way, the sheer fact that i got a response to not only that poem, but this one as well, is very motivating. Especially, since this poem is my first poem to where i step out of my element in a way.

author comment

just give some back

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

take it don't leave it
why ask for forgiveness
after a century

the forgiveness mentioned in this write has nothing at all to do with my poem written earlier speaking on how i felt at that time. i openly expressed a character defect of mine, which to some it all up, my being fragile. i believe that was mentioned in a bit more detail in one of my comments on that poem.

the forgiveness in this poem is about hiding my lustful intentions behind empty words/expressions/actions and then asking to be forgiven for being a liar.

author comment

did not remember your earlier poetry

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