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Florence and the 4th

Listening to Florence and the Machine
On my car CD player
And following the backyard fireworks
Down country roads

“I couldn’t hide from the thunder
In a sky full of song”

History is full of
Such blood flow
And blood shed

Hitch and release
Famine and feast

The night sky, tonight
Is filled with more
Than starlight and blackness

And though we are all
Celebrating or grieving something
A little bit different

“Grace, I know you carry us”

Sometimes we hear
The cry of freedom
More clearly

Sometimes we mourn
More deeply
The beast who
Tries to hold us back

Even if it is within

“We all have a hunger”

And it is more than one night
But some hundred years
Of longing and loss and fulfillment

A nation built
On battles and dreams

“I want a space…
“I want a space
To watch things grow”

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


'Don't take yourself too seriously.'

I don't mean write funny poems of dirty limericks.

I mean use your verbal craft to add a little irony, some play on words, even some sarcasm.

I promise, if you don't write angst-written, intense, deep and meaningful poetry it will lower people's guard, make it more human. And you will be taken more seriously.

That last three lines of this poem got a bit of the idea.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

thanks, Jess, for the direction. it is a little dry and lacking in word "play", I suppose. perhaps too general, impersonal. thanks,

author comment

I am one ridiculously out of touch with pop music. I enjoyed seeing a Florence and machine (whom I never heard of) video just now of Hunger. Nice song. I see the MTV model for video hasn't changed an inch in 50 years. I mean I'm really in the dark...when someone asks me what music I like I say "50's sounds" and they answer, "Oh that ol rock and roll?" I say "No, 1650's" .
Yea, that bad.

So it was hard for me to get into this poem. Objectively, without knowing the reference, things don't connect enough. It did seem to be going somewhere with this, connecting it to date (4th of July) with these very strong lines:

And it is more than one night
But some hundred years
Of longing and loss and fulfillment

A nation built
On battles and dreams

and where are we now? That is the big question of our times, and how we will get out of this age of
anxieties as the very foundations of freedom being challenged. I think it's a serious issue, and one poets," the unacknowledged legislators of the world", should grapple with.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thanks, Eumolpus, for the comment. It is a powerful song/video, "Hunger," I think. I'm glad you got a chance to check it out. I guess part of my challenge/intent was melding that sort of passion with a passionate look at the reality of our nation right now (one founded on the principle of freedom) and the way we're torn now, and have been throughout our history. (The "hitch and release," being attached to England and then breaking free.) It was cool how the music I was listening to that night seemed to capture some of the poetic ideas I was feeling, "Sky full of song," an apt description of fireworks, etc. Often the seeds of my ideas are better than the fleshed out poems, but hopefully I'll get better as I write!

author comment

Visualize a masterpiece really good cadence in piece. To unfold with slight sadness i may add. Really a terrific piece laid out for all to see

Mario Vitale

thanks chevyvent!

author comment

some have no ear for music
pop or otherwise
not withstanding my deafness
I can feel the pulse in your veins ..
which is flowing like the MISSISSIPPI THE NILE THE AMAZON
may be soft flowing HUDSON ..have you ever imagined

walk along a river and see
how poetry flows like a river
as does life in me

as does life in you! thanks for the comments, lovedly!

author comment

all lives flow like rivers
some fast
many slow
you being a popstar
very well know

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