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First Look
Tetractys 1,2,3,4,10
Scratch--
then hiss,
spit and howl.
Its hit or miss
as kitten sees a mirror, on the prowl.
It crashes and it dashes here and there:
embarrassed when,
home is where
it slinks
then.
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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Region & Country
United Kingdom (Scotland)
Favorite Poets
Robert Burns, Robert Lewis Stevenson, Kipling., I like things childish.
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Comments
eightmenout
Tue, 2016-03-29 08:29
Keith
Welcome to neopoet. I like the poem. Nice flow. Good meter. My only critique at this point would be the ending rhyme scheme. It missed for me.
Again, welcome and thanks for posting.
Scott
Keith Logan
Thu, 2016-04-21 02:53
Tetractys
Hello Scott,
I'm sorry the rhythm of the rhyme did not flow for you as it did for me. On the other hand this type of poem does not usually use rhymes, maybe that was partly what threw you. What excuse can I give? None. I never claim to be a poet, I'm a simple rhymer.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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author commentKeith Logan
Wed, 2016-04-13 19:22
Does this read any better?
Scratch-- then hiss, spit and howl.
Its hit or miss
as kitten sees a mirror, on the prowl.
It crashes and it dashes here and there:
embarrassed when,
home is where it slinks then.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
author commentRula
Wed, 2016-03-30 04:06
hello keith
Welcome to Neopoet. Happy to see here.
I've enjoyed reading your double tetractys.
Listen to Scott. He knows a lot about poetry.
Welcome again.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Keith Logan
Wed, 2016-03-30 08:43
Sage Advice
I could not agree more with your quote. I hope to never stop learning. Now for a quote from the inimitable Alfred E. Neuman "What me worry?" That is not meant to cause offense, simply to show I can also recognise greatness.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
author commentSparrow
Wed, 2016-03-30 13:56
Keith
I liked the simplicity of this piece, and look forward to many more.
Welcome to our poetry walks, not who you are its who you walk with..
I see you are a retired Electronics Tech, me also but I was mainly in Avionics, spent 23 years on Choppers, also many other related places RAF and STC, SAAF, and a few Tx Rx companies out there in Africa but have breath will travel..
Take care will talk more later,
Yours Ian.T , Sparrow and Yenti
.
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Unconditional love to you all.
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Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
weirdelf
Tue, 2016-04-12 12:57
Very clever, even elegant use of the form
brave to even include a rhyming scheme.
Most of all it really works as a poem. Bloody well done.
Welcome to Neopoet, I look forward to more of your work.
cheers,
Jess
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