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THE FIRE DANCER

Never have I seen one like her
Amongst the daughters she glitters
Her beauty is exceptional
She is flamed
I captured her in a frame
May I not be blamed

Her beauty is incomparable
Her attraction is undeniable
She is a symbol of perfection
Just so humble
Her dimples looks simple
Broughtupsy she smiles

Oh – oh God
What a creature
I marvel, I marvel
On the beauty she beholds
The fire dancer

She dances like no other
For the crowd must look yonder
She spin’s and rolls all over
She shake it down,
She push it up
Side by side and twist among the rest

The genga and flute has a melody
tongues uncontrollable
yelling, yelling her name
Doosuugh, doosuugh.
Doosuugh the fire dancer.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
It is a state of admiring and appreciating a beauty and lifestyle of a lady, called doosuugh.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

"Her dimples look simple"
"She shakes it down"
"She pushes it up" "She pushed it up"
"Side by side and twists among the rest "
"The Ogene and flute have a melody "
"Tongues uncontrollably "

Could you please consider these corrections, I may be rather
wrong.
A nice poem Simon I must say.

thanks Marvel Godwyn for your correction

author comment

You are welcome Simon and thanks too for sharing such wonderful poem.

You are welcome Simon and thanks too for sharing such wonderful poem.

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