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Finding the Faucet

Submitted by gregwa8 on Wed, 2019-05-29 02:47

My heart is a basin of hope

But I struggle
Like a frantic bird
To turn on
The faucet

I am a maple tree
Filled with syrup
That could delight the tongue
Of another

But I’m afraid to cut my skin
And insert the tap

So you can drink

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2019-05-30 17:57

Geezer's picture
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been happier, if you had stuck to one idea, either the struggling bird or the maple tree, unless you find a way to compare them better. Both of the ideas and similes have merit. ~ Geezer.
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gregwa8

Thu, 2019-05-30 23:02

gregwa8's picture

thanks for the feedback, geezer

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