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on the field (october contest)

He was beautiful to see
abs bulging
star struck was I
as he pulled this wagon
a red wagon full of hearts
mine I left bare and naked
like soil filled with humus

On the field that day
we tilled the soil of our hearts
planting seeds of love
having no care
even the sky was cognizant
as she cried with joy for us

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 


you win again
nice hearty poem
ah red wagon

you may please revisit
the contest limitations
and expectations

I like this a lot. I like the title, the theme and the rhythm.
It left me with some good visuals. Good luck in the contest. ~ Geezer.

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author comment


Can you guess

This is b e a u t i f u l. You've got a wagon full of rhythm, voice and beautiful imagery, easy to follow and easy to enjoy. Best of luck in the contest - care having a look at my own entry?



... to remember what it felt like to have my being set alight
beneath the moon when I was full and I was dancing with the night
when I could see beyond my sight
when I could see beyond my sight

Very much...*grin*

author comment
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