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The Fatso of Shalott

On either side the chip shop lie
Large bits of pizza and of pie
Which catch the nostril and the eye
And many a fatso yields a cry:
'I'd love a slice of pie a lot'
And up and down the punters go
Gazing at the rosy glow
Of pies and onions in a row,
Or eke deep-fried hot-pot.

Fatsos wobble, fatsos quiver,
Feeling longing in their liver,
For the longing lasts for ever,
Warm saliva in a river,
Flows from nostrils drppping snot,
Wallpaper with greasy flowers,
Overlooks the fat for hours
And the greasy wall embowers,
The Fatso of Shalott.

He crossed the floor, he crossed the room
He did not know 'twould be his tomb
This fatso went to meet his doom
Like to a ruby rose in bloom,
His breath was fierce and hot,
He snatched a pizza from the shelf,
And ate the fecking lot himself
And never proffered any pelf,
To chip shop owner Mott.

Mott tripped the fatso with his toe,
And kicked his goolies down below,
He gave an awful strangled crow,
Like one who reels from mighty blow,
And with a single shot
He tumbled in the deep fat frier,
The foaming fat grew higher and higher,
That flaming fat became his pyre,
The Fatso of Shalott.

No more that shop serves greasy pies,
They cut the owner down to size,
And now the fatso simply lies,
In bits of arms and chunks of thighs,
Within that greasy pot
And the punters hurry past,
With their eyes and ears closed fast,
Where that poor fatso breathed his last,
The Fatso of Shalott.

Last few words: 
It's a parody. Apologies to the late Lord Alf.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


look up [pelf], I did find it and kudos to you, for finding [an archaic], yet viable word to make your rhyme! Funny little piece of work! ~ Geezer.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Oh,,, God. Bless ya!
My first belly laugh the day.

I'm sure Alf would forgive you, and he maybe slightly envious.



So many things whirlwind whilst I read this. Just the image of a disgustingly obese person shoving everything in his craw that he can get his hands on. Kicked in the goolies...while not the same, it reminded me of the movie Se7ven where Kevin Spacey forces this guy to eat massive amounts of spaghetti and then kicks him in the gut.

The imagery is cringeworthy.

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