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Far and Near:
All routes we traverse
Places and phases diverse
Speck of Universe
Editing stage:
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Comments
swamp-witch
Tue, 2017-03-14 23:47
OriginalRhyku,
I really love haiku. They are such a challenge!
I like the moment, the smallness and simultaneous vastness of everything, that you've captured with this one.
If I could make a tiny suggest for such tiny poems as these, it might be a single syllable: "Speck of Universe" instead of "in". I think it would give us a since of belonging to the universe, not just being in it. What do you think? It's amazing how one little word in such a brief form of poetry can chance the meaning. That's what I love about the form. You have to be so careful and precise with every syllable to do well.
Kelsey
Critique, don't comment.
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OriginalRhyku
Tue, 2017-06-13 05:09
Kelsey
I agree with your suggestion and have corrected the Rhyku
We are increasingly living in times where we are full of ourselves but we are invisible to others full of themselves. A selfie for the selfish so as to speak.
author commentOriginalRhyku
Wed, 2017-06-14 04:09
Remark
Thanks for your wishes.
author commentwesley snow
Tue, 2017-06-13 16:28
It is beautiful.
and so true.
We are nothing more than a successful virus clinging to a speck of mud floating endlessly in the cosmos.
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OriginalRhyku
Wed, 2017-06-14 04:05
Wesley
Thanks. Kelsey also deserves credit for her suggestion to enhance this Rhyku.
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