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Fall-moon

Fall-moon lends silver ~
the small change of golden rays
stolen from the sun.

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I am not versed in Eastern poetry but all the Haiku elements I know of seem to be there along with a strong image. I wonder if the break could be more effective. I'm not sure there are two separate images. Hopefully, you will get someone with more experience in this type of poem.

real sure about my expertise either, but it seems to me, that there are two separate images; one in the silver moon and the other in the golden sun. In any case, I liked it much. Welcome to Neo. I think that you will find ways to broaden your poetic horizons here. Be sure to look around and try our workshops and contests. We are a friendly lot and will help out whenever we can with advice. ~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
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Hello! Welcome!
I love this! Wow! Great Haiku. The transfer of the sunlight on to the moon is very fascinating! I've always thought how cool it is that by looking at the moon, we are actually glancing indirectly at the sun seeing the bright reflection of sunlight. Wonderful!
Thank you!
Lavender

Difficult to master these Haiku thingy, though, you seem to have!

Obi.

Hello everyone -

thank you for your welcome and your comments.

cheers..........PJ

author comment

Hello Teddy,
thank you for your kind words.

Fall-moon - yes, I think it's more lyrical than full-moon.
During early autumn In the northern hemisphere, the moon is at its closest (harvest-moon) and so appears larger.

cheers...............PJ

author comment
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