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An Exemplary Heart
She cried but all in vain
to who drove her insane.
Though wrecked, with dominant pain,
she survived, she rose again!
A lesson to obtain,
A lesson to learn or feign;
Ne'er blackmail Her in strain,
She's a brave heart in reign.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Teddy15
Tue, 2021-01-05 16:51
Dear Rula.
Just beautiful. The rhyming is so powerful
You make matters of the heart come to life.
Kudos!
Thank you...Teddy
Rula
Wed, 2021-01-06 02:44
Dearest Teddy
Your words of application give me the motivation to write more.
Thank you dear friend.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Alan S Jeeves
Wed, 2021-01-06 06:54
Again..
I neat little poem Rula. How about one more syllable in line 4 for us?
She survived! She raised again (Exclamation mark after survived possibly ~ to emphasise 'she survived')
Also, to avoid repeating 'again' in such a short piece, maybe?
A lesson to learn or feign (Stanza 2, line 2, to keep rhyming tight)
What do you think Rula?
.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................
Rula
Wed, 2021-01-06 07:31
Sir Alan
'Again' wasn't really repeated. Line 4 (again) while in l2.stanza 2 (gain) , but I took you suggestions and eddited accordingly with too much appreciation.
Always great to hear from the experts sir Alan.
Thank you
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Geezer
Wed, 2021-01-06 13:30
My only criticism...
is one of tenses. While raised is conceptually right, I do believe that the proper word would have been [rose], not raised.
I like your title, the internal rhythm is great and it flows well from beginning to end. It made me think of a queen of hearts!
[Not the one who said; "Off with their heads" LoL
~ Geez.
.
Announcing the new chatroom! I will be hosting a chatroom on Saturday nights
from 8pm until 9pm [EST] this coming Saturday. Stop in and
shoot the breeze with the Geez. Our Chatroom is open 24/7
.
Rula
Wed, 2021-01-06 14:52
Geezer
Well pointed. Pleased to know you like it especially when it comes from a rhymer that's you!!
Thank you for the kind visit.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Ray Whitaker
Sun, 2021-01-10 17:19
Very nice piece here
it left hungry for more on the same vein.
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Rula
Wed, 2021-01-13 09:07
Hello Ray
appreciate your kind visit. I know what you mean but I am a fan of those short pieces especially when I am writing again after a while.
Thank you for your thoughts.
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lovedly
Sun, 2021-01-10 19:49
HER in CAPS
Rula
any special reason
I can't imagine
Rula
Wed, 2021-01-13 09:10
Hello
Lovedly. I think I want her to be recognized as a special
"$he".
Thank you for reading.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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lovedly
Wed, 2021-01-13 15:21
in that case RULA
CAPITALIZE ALL
SHE'S AND HER
That will make all the
DIFFERENCE
RULA
LOVEDLY
me also please
when blind men hear
they only
HEAR
Rula
Sat, 2021-01-16 17:37
Hello Lovedly
You absolutely have a point. Shall look into it.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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scribbler
Wed, 2021-01-13 19:11
Well
I see I'm late to the party and the experts have already given great suggestions. So I'll just say hello desert flower so you'll know I passed by
Rula
Sat, 2021-01-16 17:39
Hello Stan
Always a pleasure to get you on my page. It really means a lot.
Any news from Wesley?
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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