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An Exemplary Heart

Submitted by Rula on Tue, 2021-01-05 15:58

She cried but all in vain
to who drove her insane.
Though wrecked, with dominant pain,
she survived, she rose again!

A lesson to obtain,
A lesson to learn or feign;
Ne'er blackmail Her in strain,
She's a brave heart in reign.

Style / type:

Structured: Western

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Teddy15

Tue, 2021-01-05 16:51

Dear Rula.

Just beautiful. The rhyming is so powerful
You make matters of the heart come to life.
Kudos!

Thank you...Teddy

Rula

Wed, 2021-01-06 02:44

Dearest Teddy

Your words of application give me the motivation to write more.
Thank you dear friend.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Alan S Jeeves

Wed, 2021-01-06 06:54

Again..

I neat little poem Rula. How about one more syllable in line 4 for us?

She survived! She raised again (Exclamation mark after survived possibly ~ to emphasise 'she survived')
Also, to avoid repeating 'again' in such a short piece, maybe?

A lesson to learn or feign (Stanza 2, line 2, to keep rhyming tight)

What do you think Rula?

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

Rula

Wed, 2021-01-06 07:31

'Again' wasn't really repeated. Line 4 (again) while in l2.stanza 2 (gain) , but I took you suggestions and eddited accordingly with too much appreciation.
Always great to hear from the experts sir Alan.
Thank you

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2021-01-06 13:30

My only criticism...

is one of tenses. While raised is conceptually right, I do believe that the proper word would have been [rose], not raised.
I like your title, the internal rhythm is great and it flows well from beginning to end. It made me think of a queen of hearts!
[Not the one who said; "Off with their heads" LoL
~ Geez.
.

Announcing the new chatroom! I will be hosting a chatroom on Saturday nights
from 8pm until 9pm [EST] this coming Saturday. Stop in and
shoot the breeze with the Geez. Our Chatroom is open 24/7
.

Rula

Wed, 2021-01-06 14:52

Geezer

Well pointed. Pleased to know you like it especially when it comes from a rhymer that's you!!
Thank you for the kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Ray Whitaker

Sun, 2021-01-10 17:19

Very nice piece here

it left hungry for more on the same vein.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Rula

Wed, 2021-01-13 09:07

Hello Ray

appreciate your kind visit. I know what you mean but I am a fan of those short pieces especially when I am writing again after a while.
Thank you for your thoughts.

❤❤❤❤❤❤