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Excuse Me,I Thought You Could Write(Workshop Submissions)
Excuse Me , I Thought You Could Write(Splash Pool Submission Working with titles)
Confusion flies across the page
As if the words have lost their way
And originality has died
A run on sentence fell off the edge
committing suicide
you know not your assonance
from your consonance
Yet the script still prattles on
The coherent thought that should be there
Has all but left and gone
Your words look great upon the page
Roget would be so proud
Who cares about their meaning
Or how they sound aloud
Someone once spoke highly
I think that is was you
Expounding all of your virtues
I'd like to believe they are true
Yet one question begs to be asked
Do your laurels leave
black and blue ass
Last few words:
Borrowed title from Wesley's list
workshop Working With Titles
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2012-02-07 00:10
Befitting title
As I read this over and over about three, four times. The title resonates well with your poem
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Kailashana2
Tue, 2012-02-07 08:14
Loved everything about this
Loved everything about this poem, it's just about perfect except for the last line. ;-)
~A
China Blue
Tue, 2012-02-07 10:35
Anna
what is it about the last line you did not care for
was it the fact that some people just sit on their laurels and not try any longer or the wording?
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Kailashana2
Tue, 2012-02-07 10:46
Ha! I'm not telling! Let my
Ha! I'm not telling! Let my black & blue ass speak.
;-)
scribbler
Wed, 2012-02-08 09:04
hello
Somebody Finally wrote a poem about Me ! Laughing my assonance off. Very entertaining ang good use of subtle rhyme ...............stan
China Blue
Wed, 2012-02-08 10:00
Stan
Not hardly Thanks glad you got a laugh out of it that is all it is meant to do
Chrys
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)