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The Evergreen Hearts (March Contest)

Come on my heart it's time to bloom
it's time to stir your buds alive
for spring is here, wipe out the gloom
where everything's a busy hive.

That summer's here, it's never late
come on my heart it's time to bloom.
It's never late to celebrate
and stroll across the peaceful flume.

When summer's gone, there is still room
for you and I are still entwined.
Come on my heart it's time to bloom
so leave those frowns somewhere behind

Should winter come with its cold touch
the sun is shy, no beams to loom
we still can warm with love and such
come on my heart, it's time to bloom.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

the tone to the reader is under dying not monotonous, and i find it very touching yet compelling.. great piece

emeka. So kind of you to come and leave a comment. Appeciate it.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

nice Quatern where the repeating line doesn't seem forced, the appeal to the heart is very much vivid....you too are a strong contender amongst three so far, ..i see two more ..Judyanne & Ian...yet to read Ian's..

best of luck for the contest..

raj (sublime_ocean)

You're humbly underestimating yourself Raj... DON'T :)

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

A couple of nits
Verse 1 stanza 2 has 9 syllables
Verse 1 Stanza 3 has 7

Best of luck in the contest
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

dear Judy. I hadn't had my morning coffee yet when I posted.
I doubled checked...and yet... oh these excuses...:)

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

MM beat me to it about the syllables lol. I'm not sure if you are addressing yourself or your beloved in S-2, L-2. If your beloved it might be best to put comma before and after "my heart". Best of luck in contest........stan

leaving it opened since it has many interpretations, or/and could be read in different ways?
Appreciate the thought yet and the suggestion Stan. Let me think :)

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I just throw out seeds and let others determine if they're worthy of sprouting lol.

all Stan.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

A beautiful write, I know Jess doesn't like the use of the word beautiful, but in this case it stands.
I suppose I will have to yield to the ladies of Neopoet again lol.
Take care and keep up with this quality of writing,
Yours as always, Ian..

Tiny thing:- Should winter come with its (cold) touch
Take out the cold, all other lines to me are perfect at 8 syllables..???

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

sorry for the belated reply.
Reallly appreciate the nice comment
That line you've pointed out is also 8 syllables, I believe. :)
Have a nice day.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Some of the syllable counters give "Touch" as being two syllables, but I guess it can be one of those words where the emphasise can be either, for two or one.
"Stet" is the word for your line lol "then let it stand.."
Have a lovely day out there,
Yours as always Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

it's 7 in the morning here - the dawn chorus is in full flow - and I've just read your poem! A beautiful start to the day. :)

Love Mand xxxx

asked for more dear Mand. I am so happy you liked this dear.
Thanks for your kind visit.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

I venture to make a couple of suggestions:0

If the poem ts about the same heart, the title should read Evergreen Heart rather than the plural Hearts

In verse 2 of S1 would "stir: be a better option than "bring"...I feel the word stir has a motion of its own than bring..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

as for heart(s), I believe both work fine. Heart as talking about "that same one heart", and
"hearts" works as well as to make a generalization of all those that are the same.

but for stir, I think I like it though again bring and many other words work perfectly there, but I'll change as I think it's a word that I rarely used, if ever. :)

Appreciate your time, and the suggestions.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

they were just suggestions...appreciate your explanation.which makes sense...

keep creating such stirring verses blooming into a poem.....

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

It's beautiful Rula.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

lovely. I loved the flow. Kudos

Alid

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