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ephemeral

Submitted by judyanne on Fri, 2016-06-10 10:35

once
grew a glimmer of hope
in the eye of Time

a tenuous promise
in the tears of Duration

but in its fragility
it crumbled and dissolved

and fell

leaving a stain of sorrow
on one of Forever's footprints
.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

jane210660

Fri, 2016-06-10 12:08

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Ohhh, that's a good word, haven't seen it around much.
A sad and haunting poem, which keeps offering more with each reading.
Thank you for sharing. Jxx

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judyanne

Wed, 2016-06-29 08:14

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Thank you so very much for the very supportive comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

raj

Fri, 2016-06-10 14:19

I couldn't have expressed my opinion any better than Jane has done...that's exactly the experience after reading this crisp poem...

Free verse from the queen of meter and and strict form poetry is an amazing revelation...may be i haven't read much of your free form poems...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

judyanne

Wed, 2016-06-29 08:22

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Thank you for the lovely comments - but 'queen' seems a little too high I think lol
actually, I've written a lot of free-form....
it's funny, as I seem to go in cycles - verse, free-form, verse, free-form....
thanks again raj
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Fri, 2016-06-10 15:29

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This could be translated from the Japanese, apart from the lack of references to nature.
Gorgeous and genuinely profound.
Sorry, no crit.
Is Mutability a dirty word?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Wed, 2016-06-29 08:28

judyanne's picture
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Lol - there's no such thing as a 'dirty word'...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2016-06-11 10:19

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a haunting quality about it! I enjoyed it much! Thanks, ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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judyanne

Wed, 2016-06-29 08:32

judyanne's picture
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Thank you so much for the visit and very kind comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

brittle light

Sat, 2016-06-11 10:46

brittle light's picture

the idea, concept, and follow through, with clarity, and precision, along with choice descriptive words, all contribute to this; an outstandingly crafted precious piece of poetic treasure....that means I like it!

you did good..

Al

judyanne

Wed, 2016-06-29 08:35

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Thank you so very much for your awesomely supportive comment....
I'm really glad you think I did good
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Esker

Sat, 2016-06-11 13:35

Esker's picture

a short bittersweet work
If only I could cry
I have driven the rains
back
so I get to appreciate
the emotive feelings
in this expressed
and the use of
caps

excellent!

thank U Judyanne!

judyanne

Wed, 2016-06-29 08:37

judyanne's picture
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for your very supportive comment
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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