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End Of Day

Submitted by Lavender on Tue, 2023-07-18 22:13

summer night relief
curtains exhale silently
cool air tiptoes in

Style / type:

Structured: Eastern

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2023-07-19 02:57

I have a memory...

that comes back to me from my youth; a scene of watching a woman asleep on my bed, the curtains doing that very thing,
exhaling a cooling breeze, like blowing on a hot spoonful of soup. Getting ready for the next sip. Very nice! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lavender

Wed, 2023-07-19 15:01

Hello, Geezer!

Wow..."a cooling breeze, like blowing on a hot spoonful of soup." What an absolutely great visual! Maybe the foundation for a Geezer haiku / poem?
Thank you for reading and sharing your wonderful memory!
L

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2023-07-19 17:57

I could...

persuaded. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lavender

Wed, 2023-07-19 20:51